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Busy parents have less time to spend with their children. Some people think time should be spent to play games or sports. Others think time should be spent by doing something together related to schoolwork v.2

Busy parents have less time to spend with their children. Some people think time should be spent to play games or sports. Others think time should be spent by doing something together related to schoolwork v. 2
It goes without saying that parents’ role in their children’s lives is of a great importance. It is necessary for parents to dedicate time to their offsprings. However, nowadays since both the parents have to work in order to support the family properly, they do not have a lot of time to spend with their children. One question that may occupy the mind is that whether the parents should allocate the limited time they have to play with their children or help them with their homework. From my vantage point, It would be better for both parents and children to spend their time playing with each other. In the following essay, I will pinpoint the most outstanding reasons for holding this idea. First, no one would doubt that playing has a significant role in children’s mental health, behavior, and the type of personality the might have in the future. It is an important part of every child’s life, through which they obtain a lot of experiences and they learn many things. It is crystal clear that the best teacher of each individual as a child is their parents. Hence, parents can use this opportunity to teach their children valuable lessons from which they can benefit in the future. An example drives this notion home. Nowadays, many developed companies like Japan has introduced special games to the parents to play with their children in their spare time. These games have been devised by a group of psychologists to make the children gain a lot of social skills. As a consequence, it has resulted in a better society. Had the pernts not played with their children, these outcomes could have never be obtained. Second, playing with their children helps the parents to improve the quality of their relationships. By playing with the children, individuals would depict an impression of themselves as they are friendly and easy-going. Consequently, children would find their parents reliable and see them as a friend instead of someone who is ready to punish them. This relationship will be preserved and even improved more by playing until the children grow up. This is the time that a good relationship is more important than any time else because at this time young people are exposed to many dangers such as addiction, sexual diseases, and even depression. When the children have a good relationship with their parents they readily talk to their parents without concealing anything and the parents can give them advice which can help and even save them. To wrap it up, I firmly believe that parents should spend time with their children and play with them. Although this time can be dedicated to helping the children do their homework, dedicating it to playing with them has more benefits as not only does playing affects children’s health and ensuing life, but also it will make the relationship between the parents and the children stronger. I myself would definitely spend time on playing with my children in the future.
It goes without saying that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents’
role in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
is of a great importance. It is necessary for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to dedicate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to their
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "offspring", the plural form of the noun 'offspring'?
offsprings
.
However
, nowadays since both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work in order to support the family
properly
, they do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. One question that may occupy the mind is that whether the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should allocate the limited
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
play with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them with their homework. From my vantage point, It would be better for both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
with each other. In the following essay, I will pinpoint the most outstanding reasons for holding this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
.

First
, no one would doubt that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
has a significant role in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
mental health, behavior, and the type of personality the might have in the future. It is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part of every child’s life, through which they obtain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
experiences and
they learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things. It is crystal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the best teacher of each individual as a child is their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
this opportunity to teach their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
valuable lessons from which they can benefit in the future. An example drives this notion home. Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
developed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
like Japan has introduced special games to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to play with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in their spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. These games have
been devised
by a group of psychologists to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
gain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. As a consequence, it has resulted in a better society. Had the
Possible spelling mistake found.
pernts
not played with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, these outcomes could have never
Possible agreement error -- use past participle here: "been".
be
obtained.

Second,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the quality of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationships
. By
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, individuals would depict an impression of themselves as they are friendly and easy-going.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
would find their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
reliable and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
them as a friend
instead
of someone who is ready to punish them. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationship
will
be preserved
and even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
more by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
until the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
grow up. This is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
that a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationship
is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
else
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
at this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are exposed
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
such as addiction, sexual diseases, and even depression. When the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationship
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
they
readily
talk to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
without concealing anything and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can give them advice which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
and even save them.

To wrap it up, I
firmly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and play with them. Although this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
can
be dedicated
to helping the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do their homework, dedicating it to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
with them has more benefits as not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
does
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
affects
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
health and ensuing life,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationship
between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
stronger. I myself would definitely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
with my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in the future.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
62Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Busy parents have less time to spend with their children. Some people think time should be spent to play games or sports. Others think time should be spent by doing something together related to schoolwork v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
499 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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