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Some people think that old people need to live in special communities but others believe they should live with their family and adult children Discuss both views and give your own opinion v.2

Some people think that old people need to live in special communities but others believe they should live with their family and adult children 2
Robots are likely to become more prevalent in people's daily lives just like other technological devices. People have different views about whether this change would be beneficial, or it could impact our lives in a bad way. Personally, I would side with those who believe that robots' role could be detrimental. On the one hand, technological developments, including robots, would make a great contribution to societies. Firstly, they could operate in locations that humans cannot reach or could be dangerous for them. They could be sent to outer space to explore the other planets or could be replace humans to do mining in order to reduce the risk of getting killed or injured for individuals, for example. Secondly, one of the impressive roles that robots play is providing more free time by helping in manual daily works such as washing, cleaning and shopping. Besides, since they do what they are asked to do without any complaint, and are available 24/7, people can spend their spare time on reading or exercising which brings about personal growth. However, there are several underlying reasons why robots could have adverse effects on our lives in the coming years. Robots could change the workforce's structure. Humans would be replaced by machines which will increase unemployment rate. Subsequently, societies will suffer from poverty and crime. Furthermore, these human-made machines can only do what they are planned to do. As a result, they could make mistakes while working which not only could have negative impacts but also could jeopardize people's lives. For instance, robots are used in hospitals as nurses, which could put individuals' lives in danger by injecting wrong medicine. In conclusion, although robots could become dominant in the future due to the benefits they offer, I think their existence would have disastrous consequences for societies.
Robots are likely to become more prevalent in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
like other technological devices.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views about whether this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
would be beneficial, or it could impact our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
way.
Personally
, I would side with those who believe that robots' role could be detrimental.

On the one hand, technological developments, including robots, would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a great contribution to societies.
Firstly
, they could operate in locations that humans cannot reach or could be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
for them. They could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
to outer space to explore the other planets or could be
Consider using the past participle "replaced"?
replace
humans to
The usual collocation for an activity ending in "-ing" is "go" not "do" or "play." Revise: "go mining".
do mining
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of getting killed or injured for individuals,
for example
.
Secondly
, one of the impressive roles that robots play is providing more free time by helping in manual daily works such as washing, cleaning and shopping.
Besides
, since they do what they
are asked
to do without any complaint, and are available 24/7,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can spend their spare time on reading or exercising which brings about personal growth.

However
, there are several underlying reasons why robots could have adverse effects on our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
in the coming years. Robots could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the workforce's structure. Humans would
be replaced
by machines which will increase unemployment rate.
Subsequently
, societies will suffer from poverty and crime.
Furthermore
, these human-made machines can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
do what they
are planned
to do.
As a result
, they could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
mistakes while working which not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
could have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
could jeopardize
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
.
For instance
, robots are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in hospitals as nurses, which could put individuals'
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
by injecting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
medicine.

In conclusion
, although robots could become dominant in the future due to the benefits they offer, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
their existence would have disastrous consequences for societies.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that old people need to live in special communities but others believe they should live with their family and adult children 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
300 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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