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Some people think that old people need to live in special communities, but others believe they should live with their family and adult children. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.1

Some people think that old people need to live in special communities, but others believe they should live with their family and adult children. v. 1
While few experts believe that retirees should reside with certain people, whereas others confer that they must pass their life with their family members. In my opinion, living with their children would be the best idea. This essay deals with the former and later view, followed by a conclusion. To begin with, pensioners staying at old age homes do not become a problem for their family members. Since these individuals are sensitive, they require huge attention from their caretakers, which might not be available from their dear ones. For instance, people are shifting to cities, leaving their parents alone in pastoral areas, which could affect their health. In addition, these centres are under the observation of trained citizens. As selected staff is taking care of the old age people, they are able to schedule their eating habits and stay fit under trained supervisors. On the other hand, some locals are against it and consider that care of parents is their moral duty. While the aged citizens has accomplished their responsibility of nurturing their children, the children ought to take care of their parents. Moreover, these people would instill ethical values in their grandchildren. As the grandparents are free from all activities, they can teach the young generation to be a perfect human. For example, the youngsters are usually hearing stories from their grandparents, which could stimulate them to be honest in their life. In conclusion, although the experts think that specific atmosphere would be suitable for older people, I firmly advocate that they must stay with their family, as children must take care of their parent and even these people can teach younger children morally.
While few experts believe that retirees should reside with certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, whereas others confer that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
pass their life with their family members. In my opinion, living with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
would be the best
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
. This essay deals with the former and later view, followed by a conclusion.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, pensioners staying at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
age homes do not become a problem for their family members. Since these individuals are sensitive, they require huge attention from their caretakers, which might not be available from their dear ones.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are shifting to cities, leaving their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
alone in pastoral areas, which could affect their health.
In addition
, these
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
are under the observation of trained citizens. As selected staff is taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, they are able to schedule their eating habits and stay fit under trained supervisors.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
locals are against it and consider that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
is their moral duty. While the aged citizens has accomplished their responsibility of nurturing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
ought to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
Moreover
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would instill ethical values in their grandchildren. As the grandparents are free from all activities, they can teach the young generation to be a perfect human.
For example
, the youngsters are
usually
hearing stories from their grandparents, which could stimulate them to be honest in their life.

In conclusion
, although the experts
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that specific atmosphere would be suitable for older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, I
firmly
advocate that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
stay with their family, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
and even these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can teach younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
morally
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that old people need to live in special communities, but others believe they should live with their family and adult children. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
275 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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