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Some people think that now a days children have too much freedom. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people think that now a days children have too much freedom. v. 1
Nowadays, due to advance of technology and changing the thinking of the individuals and increasing competition, majority these days prefer to provide liberty for their children's as compared to the past. This essay will discuss how children's these days enjoy privilege under the supervision of their parents. On the one hand, one section of the society thinks that children are independent now, they can do anything what they want. To make it more clear, due to globalisation thinking of the society changing day by day. They allow their children to do those things what they like and what make them happy. To cite it with an example, in modern time they have the right to choose their own life partner's, choose their own subjects and many more. Excess exemption sometimes makes them stick into illegal activities which in turn affects the society as a whole. On the other hand, the other section of the community believes that beside parents provide immunity for their children's but they keep an eagle eye on their children's for 24 hours 7 days. So due to the fear of parents most of the children's always prefer to take permission from their parents before doing anything else. Last year BBC study showed that the majority of Indian children's are under control of the parents. They respect their parents and always take decisions under the supervision of their parents. After taking everything into consideration, it can be concluded that it's all depend upon the different situations when they need guidance of their elders or when they need right.
Nowadays, due to advance of technology and changing the thinking of the individuals and increasing competition, majority these days prefer to provide liberty for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children's
as compared to the past. This essay will discuss how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children's
these days enjoy privilege under the supervision of their parents.

On the one hand, one section of the society
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
that children are independent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, they can do anything what they want. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
, due to
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalisation' is British English.
globalisation
thinking of the society changing day by day. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
their children to do those things what they like and what
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them happy. To cite it with an example, in modern time they have the right to choose their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
life partner's, choose their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
subjects and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more. Excess exemption
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them stick into illegal activities which in turn affects the society as a whole.

On the other hand
, the other section of the community believes that beside
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
provide immunity for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children's
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
an eagle eye on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children's
for 24 hours 7 days.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
due to the fear of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children's
always prefer to take permission from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
doing anything else. Last year BBC study
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that the majority of Indian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children's
are under control of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. They respect their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and always take decisions under the supervision of their parents.

After taking everything into consideration, it can
be concluded
that it's all depend upon the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
situations when they need guidance of their elders or when they need right.
1Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
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Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay Some people think that now a days children have too much freedom. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
261 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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