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Some people believe that children nowadays have too much freedom. Others believe that children are protected too much by their parents. Which of these statements do you agree with? Use specific reasons and examples to support your decision. v.2

Some people believe that children nowadays have too much freedom. Others believe that children are protected too much by their parents. Which of these statements do you agree with? Use specific reasons and examples to support your decision. v. 2
These days life is not the same that it was even fifty years before. I personally think that nowadays children are protected too much by their parents. There are a few reasons why I feel this way. One of the reasons is that in modern world education plays crucial role in terms of success. Parents try to do their best to provide kids with an feasibility to attend a college or university. Therefore, they control the children by checking grades and participating in the learning process actively. If they take the educational process for granted, they are likely to overlook a drawback the child may has been experiencing, and thus, decrease his chances on a satisfactory future. Although some parents do not put as much pressure on kids to study well, the majority thinks that this is their parental commitment to take part in stimulating the children`s intelligence. To that end, parents today are quite authoritarian to children pursuing the aim for kids to excel. Another reason is that everyday media tell a myriad of stories on TV and newspapers, narrating about crimes and troubles of young generations. Drugs, tobacco and alcohol became a tremendous problem. Millions of people get abused every year. This way, liable parents, who care about their children, try to protect kids by constraining their freedom in a certain degree. For instance, the parents say what time the child is supposed to be home from a party. If parents let to the children do whatever they want, it is possible for the kid to be involved in a variety of egregious activities. Despite on an oppinion that parents have to give to kids to choose their own way in life, it is obvious, that it is possible merely for kinds who are well- adjusted. So, awareness of the parents in problems of the modern youth make them to control their children. To sum it up, I feel that today parents are trying to shelter their kids substantially. This is because they want to enable kids to gain advantageous education and to confine them form some negative effects of life. All things considered it is reasonable to assume that modern parents put a lot of efforts to ensure successful and save future for their small ones.
These
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "days'" or "day's"?
days
life is not the same that it was even fifty years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are protected
too much by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. There are a few reasons why I feel this way.

One of the reasons is that in modern world education plays crucial role in terms of success.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
try to do their best to provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
with
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
feasibility to attend a college or university.
Therefore
, they control the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
by checking grades and participating in the learning process
actively
. If they take the educational process for granted, they are likely to overlook a drawback the child may has been experiencing, and
thus
, decrease his chances on a satisfactory future. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
do not put as much pressure on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
to study well, the majority
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
that this is their parental commitment to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in stimulating the
The character between 'children' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "children’s" (curly apostrophe) or "children's" (straight apostrophe).
children`s
intelligence. To that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
are quite authoritarian to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
pursuing the aim for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
to excel.

Another reason is that everyday media
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
a myriad of stories on TV and newspapers, narrating about crimes and troubles of young generations. Drugs, tobacco and alcohol became a tremendous problem. Millions of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
abused every year. This way, liable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, who care about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, try to protect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
by constraining their freedom in a certain degree.
For instance
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
say what time the child
is supposed
to be home from a party. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do whatever they want, it is possible for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kid
to
be involved
in a variety of egregious activities. Despite on an
Possible spelling mistake found.
oppinion
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
give to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
to choose their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
way in life, it is obvious, that it is possible
merely
for kinds who are well- adjusted.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, awareness of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
in problems of the modern youth
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them to control their children.

To sum it up, I feel that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are trying to shelter their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
substantially
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they want to enable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
to gain advantageous education and to confine them form
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects of life. All things considered it is reasonable to assume that modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
put
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
efforts to ensure successful and save future for their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
ones.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that children nowadays have too much freedom. Others believe that children are protected too much by their parents. Which of these statements do you agree with? Use specific reasons and examples to support your decision. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
379 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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