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Some people believe that children nowadays have too much freedom Other believe that children are protected too much by their parents Which of these statements do you agree with Use specific reasons and examples to support your decision v.2

Some people believe that children nowadays have too much freedom Other believe that children are protected too much by their parents Which of these statements do you agree with Use specific reasons and examples to support your decision v. 2
In this modern world, some people reckon that children have too much freedom while others tend to have opposite opinion. I agree with the statement that children are given too much freedom nowadays. There are three reasons to prove that children have more freedom nowadays. Firstly, nowadays more children are participating in co-curricular activities along with their studies and excel well both in extra activities and studies. This shows that parents given independence for their children to select and participate in their interested activities which made them more focused and well organized. In future they can select their extra activity as their career. Secondly, another evidence shows that children are given freedom to spend pocket money in which they may buy expensive toys, cigarette, drugs, alcohol and may induce in illegal activity at the young age. They cannot concentrate in studies due to the distraction of these activities which affect their future. For example, recent news about kidnapped by his friends in need of money to celebrate new year and demand money from his parents later they killed the child. Now they are in juvenile prison. Finally, children are given freedom to go alone to friend house in which they will meet stranger and may become victim of pedophile. As a result, children are psychologically affected in young age which spoil their future. For example, news about girl was molested by a man who made friendship with the girl while she was going alone in the street to meet her friend. To sum up, the above explanations and example shows that children are given too much freedom which affected their studies. Children should be given limited freedom and monitored by their parents often provide advice about the stranger and friends and not allow to send alone to the friend house or far away from the home. With the limited freedom they will study well and become flying colors in their future.
In this modern world,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
reckon that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
while others tend to have opposite opinion. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
nowadays. There are three reasons to prove that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
nowadays.

Firstly
, nowadays more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are participating in co-curricular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
along with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
and excel well both in extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
independence for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to select and participate in their interested
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
which made them more focused and well organized. In
The comma is probably missing here: "future, they".
future they
can select their extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
as their career.

Secondly
, another evidence
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
to spend pocket money in which they may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
expensive toys, cigarette, drugs, alcohol and may induce in illegal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
at the young age. They cannot concentrate in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
due to the distraction of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
which affect their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
.
For example
, recent news about kidnapped by his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
in need of money to celebrate new year and demand money from his parents later they killed the child.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
they are in juvenile prison.

Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
to go alone to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
in which they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
stranger and may become victim of pedophile.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
psychologically
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
in young age which spoil their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
.
For example
, news about girl
was molested
by a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
who made friendship with the girl while she was going alone in the street to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
her friend.

To sum up, the above explanations and example
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
limited
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
and monitored by their parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
provide advice about the stranger and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
and not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
alone to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
or far away from the home. With the limited
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
they will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
well and become flying colors in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
37Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that children nowadays have too much freedom Other believe that children are protected too much by their parents Which of these statements do you agree with Use specific reasons and examples to support your decision v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
321 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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