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Some people think that not only should professional sports and cultural enterprises be sponsored by the government but also that amateur adult and children groups should get funding. Do you agree or disagree? Use specific reasons and examples to support your position. v.2

Some people think that not only should professional sports and cultural enterprises be sponsored by the government but also that amateur adult and children groups should get funding. Use specific reasons and examples to support your position. v. 2
A growing number of people think that the government should not only fund professional sports and cultural society, but also the societies where adults and children are learning sports. I completely agree with this as it will help the children explore their talents and adults to improve their talent. There are a large number of talented individuals in India who are unable to reach the desired heights in the sport of cultural events due to lack of financial support. They lack a money to pay for the coaches and cannot afford the required equipment to practice the skill. If the right training with the proper coaches and pieces of equipment is provided to such individuals than they can represent the country at various international games and make the country proud by winning the medals. So, the government should also provide a necessary fund to the amateur and learning groups so that the talented adults can improve their skills and represent the nations at the national and international level. The other reason is that the children can also explore various sports and decide which sport they are good at and can pursue further. The government funding also encourages the parents to allow their child/children to pursue sports along with academics. These children could also become the future of the nation and represent the country from a very young age at various international platforms. In conclusion, Government funding of amateur adults and children's societies help talented individuals lacking financial support to improve and grow their skills.
A growing number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
fund professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and cultural society,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the societies where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this as it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
explore their talents and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their talent.

There are
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
talented individuals in India who are unable to reach the desired heights in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
of cultural
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
due to lack of financial support. They lack
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "money".
a money
to pay for the coaches and cannot afford the required equipment to practice the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
. If the right training with the proper coaches and pieces of equipment
is provided
to such individuals than they can represent the country at various international games and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the country proud by winning the medals.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should
also
provide a necessary fund to the amateur and learning groups
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the talented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and represent the nations at the national and international level.

The other reason is that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
also
explore various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and decide which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
at and can pursue
further
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
funding
also
encourages the parents to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
their child/children to pursue
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
along with academics. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
could
also
become the future of the nation and represent the country from a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
young age at various international platforms.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
funding of amateur
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
and children's societies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
talented individuals lacking financial support to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
and grow their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that not only should professional sports and cultural enterprises be sponsored by the government but also that amateur adult and children groups should get funding. Use specific reasons and examples to support your position. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
254 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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