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Some people think that non-academic subjects (eg physical education and cookery ) should be removed from the syllabus so that children can concentrate wholly on academic subjects? v.1

Some people think that non-academic subjects (eg physical education and cookery ) should be removed from the syllabus so that children can concentrate wholly on academic subjects? v. 1
Nowadays, education is one of the most important factors related to children's development. There is a debate between teaching kids at home or at school. I strongly believe that children should go to school for education instead of self-education at home. Learning at home has several advantages compared to other methods. Firstly, if parents can teach their children at home, it will make them feel safe with family members. In contrast, learning at school with the number of children, teachers cannot look after every student as parents do. Secondly, children can learn and develop their talents as parents understand their best. Thirdly, learning at home is no more limited by parents's knowledge as stereotype as before. This is because we have more tutors who are willing to support teaching individually. On the other hand, teaching children at school also has various reasons to believe that this method can replace self-education. For instance, parents are required to spend more time with their children and unable to focus on working. In addition, they also have to pay for hiring teachers outside. Next, the programs in school are always guaranteed to be up-to-date and tutors are fully trained to teach precisely. Finally, children need to interact each others as it is the most important skill. Without interaction, children will depend on their parents over and over. In conclusion, there are various advantages, whether children learn at home or at school. I personally believe that learning at school will fully develop a child not only their knowledge but also their social skills
Nowadays, education is one of the most
important
factors related to children's development. There is a debate between teaching kids at home or at
school
. I
strongly
believe that
children
should go to
school
for education
instead
of self-education at home.

Learning at home has several advantages compared to other methods.
Firstly
, if
parents
can teach their
children
at home, it will
make
them feel safe with family members.
In contrast
, learning at
school
with the number of
children
, teachers cannot look after every student as
parents
do.
Secondly
,
children
can learn and develop their talents as
parents
understand their best.
Thirdly
, learning at home is no more limited by
parents's
knowledge as stereotype as
before
. This is
because
we have more tutors who are willing to support teaching
individually
.

On the other hand
, teaching
children
at
school
also
has various reasons to believe that this method can replace self-education.
For instance
,
parents
are required
to spend more time with their
children
and unable to focus on working.
In addition
, they
also
have to
pay for hiring teachers outside.
Next
, the programs in
school
are always guaranteed to be up-to-date and tutors are
fully
trained to teach
precisely
.
Finally
,
children
need to interact each
others
as it is the most
important
skill
. Without interaction,
children
will depend on their
parents
over and over.

In conclusion
, there are various advantages, whether
children
learn at home or at
school
. I
personally
believe that learning at
school
will
fully
develop a child not
only
their knowledge
but
also
their social
skills
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
It is astonishing how much enjoyment one can get out of a language that one understands imperfectly.
Basil Lanneau Gildersleeve

IELTS essay Some people think that non-academic subjects (eg physical education and cookery ) should be removed from the syllabus so that children can concentrate wholly on academic subjects? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
257 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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