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some people think that newspapers are the best way to get news. however, others believe that they can gets news better through other media platforms. discuss both views and give your opinion v.1

some people think that newspapers are the best way to get news. however, others believe that they can gets news better through other media platforms. 1
Nowadays, a large number of people tend to buy items such as clothes, cars and other things from reputable companies. The reasons will be discussed in this essay and in my opinion, this trend both has advantages and drawbacks in equal measure. There are several causes of why more and more people prefer owning luxurious products. Firstly, due to the beliefs on personal possession reflecting wealth, personal status and appearance, many people use clothes, accessories from a popular brand. For example, many consumers buy shoes from Nike or Adidas because it helps them to enhance their appearance. Another reasons are that exorbitant-priced products of famous brands are made of expensive materials and unique feature, so they are always high-qualified, highly durable. Using these goods would bring more comfort to the users and also save more money in the long period than massive products. On the other hand, the increasing number of people buying good items from large enterprises can bring both benefits and disadvantages to the business world. Countries, where famous brand are based on, are more likely to have strong an healthy economy. The US - the home of many famous brands such as Apple or Microsoft, for instance, has been the most powerful economic since the late 20th century when the products of these organizations are not only popular in domestic but also favored in foreign nations. However, the rise in the number of large brand names can lead to the monopoly as they will attempt to dominate and wipe out small rivals to maintain their positions. In conclusion, the tendency of consuming goods from famous brands comes from people’s perception of personal belongings showing their fortune and the high qualification for those expensive products. This trend has a positive and negative effect on the business market
Nowadays,
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
items such as clothes, cars and other things from reputable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
. The reasons will
be discussed
in this essay and in my opinion, this trend both has advantages and drawbacks in equal measure.

There are several causes of why more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer owning luxurious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
.
Firstly
, due to the beliefs on personal possession reflecting wealth, personal status and appearance,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
clothes, accessories from a popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brand
.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
consumers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
shoes from Nike or Adidas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to enhance their appearance. Another reasons are that exorbitant-priced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brands
are made
of expensive materials and unique feature,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they are always high-qualified,
highly
durable. Using these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
would bring more comfort to the users and
also
save more money in the long period than massive products.

On the other hand
, the increasing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
buying
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
items from large enterprises can bring both benefits and disadvantages to the business world. Countries, where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brand
are based
on, are more likely to have strong
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
healthy economy. The US
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
the home of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brands
such as Apple or Microsoft,
for instance
, has been the most powerful economic since the late 20th century when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
of these organizations are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
popular in domestic
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
favored in foreign nations.
However
, the rise in the number of large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brand
names can lead to the monopoly as they will attempt to dominate and wipe out
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
rivals to maintain their positions.

In conclusion
, the tendency of consuming
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brands
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
perception of personal belongings showing their fortune and the high qualification for those expensive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
. This trend has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect on the business
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
market
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay some people think that newspapers are the best way to get news. however, others believe that they can gets news better through other media platforms. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
298 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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