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some people think that sport teaches children how to compete, while others belive that children learn teamwork. discuss both views and give your opinion v.1

some people think that sport teaches children how to compete, while others belive that children learn teamwork. 1
While some argue that children are taught to be competitive by playing sports, others are of the opinion that children gain an important life skill, that is, team work. I am of the opinion that while competition is something that is generated while playing sports, there is no better way to teach children how to work in teams. Competition is undoubtedly an unpleasant emotion that is generated while playing a sport. But like any negative emotion, it can be used to our advantage. Similarly, children should be taught to deal with competition in a healthy way and use it to perform better without creating a negative environment for the opposition. Nevertheless, sports isn’t the only activity that surfaces feelings of competition among children. Academics, or any form of extracurricular can give rise to a competitive nature. The other side of the coin is the biggest advantage of sports: team work. Learning how to work with other people, dealing with their weaknesses and strengths, and working towards growing as a group are a few of many assets that children can gain at a very early age when they take part in sports. When this skill gets imbibed in the young minds, they grow up to be highly efficient adults. Adding to that, very few activities have this positive effect. To sum up, even though there are downsides to being competitive, too much would be lost if children were to stop playing sports because of this reason. Not only would children be unable to deal with competition in a constructive way, they wouldn’t either be capable of working with people as a team.
While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are taught
to be competitive by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, others are of the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
gain an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
,
that is
, team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. I am of the opinion that while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
is something that
is generated
while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, there is no better way to teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
how to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in teams.

Competition is
undoubtedly
an unpleasant emotion that
is generated
while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
like any
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
emotion, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to our advantage.
Similarly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be taught
to deal with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
Consider replacing "in a healthy way" with the adverb for "healthy"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a healthy way
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it to perform better without creating a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
environment for the opposition.
Nevertheless
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
isn’t the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
activity that surfaces feelings of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Academics, or any form of extracurricular can give rise to a competitive nature.

The other side of the coin is the biggest advantage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
: team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. Learning how to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
with other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, dealing with their weaknesses and strengths, and working towards growing as a group are a few of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
assets that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can gain at a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
early age when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. When this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
imbibed in the young minds, they grow up to be
highly
efficient adults. Adding to that,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
few activities have this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect.

To sum up,
even though
there are downsides to being competitive, too much would
be lost
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
were to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
because of this
reason. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
be unable to deal with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
Consider replacing "in a constructive way" with the adverb for "constructive"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a constructive way
, they wouldn’t either be capable of working with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
as a team.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay some people think that sport teaches children how to compete, while others belive that children learn teamwork. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
271 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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