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It is better for children if the whole families ( e. g aunts, uncles and grandparents ) are involved in the children's upbringing, rather than their fathers and mothers only. Do you agree or disagree with this opinion? v.2

It is better for children if the whole families ( e. g aunts, uncles and grandparents ) are involved in the children's upbringing, rather than their fathers and mothers only. with this opinion? v. 2
The rising trend of nuclear families and its effect on today's children has led to the question whether children should be raised in joint families in which aunts, uncles and grandparents contribute in bringing up children. Although a joint family is better at raising children. A number of arguments surround my opinion. To begin with, in a joint family, children's upbringing becomes very easy as there are so many people to take care of the child. So being the mother or father, even if you are busy in life with work or any other commitments, you have no need to worry about your child as you know he/she will be taken care of, fed properly and even made sure that homework is completed. This is a huge relief, especially in times of sickness of the child. So in a joint family, you can be totally focused as far as your career or work is concerned, without the tension of your children. Secondly, a joint family teaches the value of adjusting and flexibility, which can go a long way in life when such children marry or when they have to live an independent life in a totally new or different environment, which unfortunately people brought up in a nuclear family with all comforts and less adjustments might find difficult. Children living in joint family learn how to deal with people and understand the dynamics of human psychology, as they are staying with various people of different attitude, perception and behaviour. In the long run, it becomes easy to gauge and understand people and their emotions. Finally, parents do not have to deal with attention-related problems which are usually by-products of nuclear family systems, where the child, finding both parents absent and no one else from the family, usually resorts to attention seeking behaviour. Such behaviour can manifest as being sad, insolent, and reclusive among other things. To put it in a nutshell, I pen down, saying that, in a joint family a child is reared by a number of people, thus dividing work and saving time. The child also learns quantities of understanding, adjusting, & selflessness. For working parents, it's a blessing to have reliable, trustworthy caretakers for their child. Therefore it is better to raise a child in a joint family.
The rising trend of nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
and its effect on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
has led to
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether", or rephrase the sentence to avoid "the question".
the question whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be raised
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
joint
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
in which aunts, uncles and grandparents contribute in bringing up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
joint
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is better at raising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. A number of arguments surround my opinion.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
joint
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, children's upbringing becomes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
easy as there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to take care of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
being the mother or father, even if you are busy in life with work or any other commitments, you have no need to worry about your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
as you know he/she will
be taken
care of, fed
properly
and even made sure that homework
is completed
. This is a huge relief,
especially
in times of sickness of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
joint
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, you can be
totally
focused as far as your career or work
is concerned
, without the tension of your children.

Secondly
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
joint
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
teaches the value of adjusting and flexibility, which can go a long way in life when such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
marry or when they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
an independent life in a
totally
new or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
environment, which unfortunately
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
brought up in a nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
with all comforts and
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun adjustments is countable.
less
adjustments might find difficult.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
living in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
joint
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
learn how to deal with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and understand the dynamics of human psychology, as they are staying with various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
attitude, perception and
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
. In the long run, it becomes easy to gauge and understand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and their emotions.

Finally
, parents do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
deal with attention-related problems which are
usually
by-products of nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
systems, where the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
, finding both parents absent and no one else from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
,
usually
resorts to attention seeking
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
. Such
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
can manifest as being sad, insolent, and reclusive among other things.

To put it in a nutshell, I pen down, saying that, in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
joint
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
is reared
by a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
thus
dividing work and saving time. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
also
learns quantities of understanding, adjusting, & selflessness. For working parents, it's a blessing to have reliable, trustworthy caretakers for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
it is better to raise a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
joint
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
40Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay It is better for children if the whole families ( e. g aunts, uncles and grandparents ) are involved in the children's upbringing, rather than their fathers and mothers only. with this opinion? v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
381 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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