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some people think that newspaper are the best media to learn and get information from while others believe that the internet is a better source discuss both views and give your own opinion v.1

some people think that newspaper are the best media to learn and get information from while others believe that the internet is a better source 1
Some members of the society like to do the same things throughout their life, while others go with the difference. However, according to me should be full of excitement and different tastes. To start with, a man who is doing the same sort of thing has some merits such as, by doing work in the same field with same manner, he will have a good hand in that profession. consequently he will be a specialist in that field. For example the city called ‘Malegaon’ is famous for its handloom production, just because industries are working in the same traditional manner with no change, hence they are known specialist in Manufacturing of handlooms thus their product have a great demand. Furthermore a human who is not thinking much will be in a state of peace, as he has does not have to research or work hard for bringing change. On the flip side, many think that the things in activity should not be done in the same way. Although variation in lifestyle or method of working has some risks involved, but if change is brought in a proper way it will be very beneficial for the society. For instance, earlier the designing of machine parts was done by hand drafting, but some thought about modifying the old method and they end up in inventing a software called ‘AutoCAD’ with which a machine component can dream and designed with very short period of time. Additionally always searching for some alternate will enhance the thinking ability of a person and it will make his product more efficient. To conclude, both thoughts have merits and demerits, but in my opinion the life of a human being should have some downs and ups, then only he can become a successful person. Today world is running with such an advanced technology just because of people who wanted some revolution.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
members of the society like to do the same things throughout their life, while others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
go with
the difference.
However
, according to me should be full of excitement and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
tastes.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
who is doing the same sort of thing has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
merits such as, by doing work in the same field with same manner, he will have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
hand in that profession.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
consequently
he will be a specialist in that field.
For example
the city called ‘Malegaon’ is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
for its
Possible spelling mistake found.
handloom
production,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
industries are working in the same traditional manner with no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
,
hence
they
are known
specialist in Manufacturing of
Possible spelling mistake found.
handlooms
thus
their product have a great demand.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Furthermore
a human who is not thinking much will be in a state of peace, as he has does not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
research or work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for bringing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
.

On the flip side,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the things in activity should not
be done
in the same way
. Although variation in lifestyle or method of working has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
involved,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
is brought
Consider replacing "in a proper way" with the adverb for "proper"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a proper way
it will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
beneficial for the society.
For instance
, earlier the designing of machine parts
was done
by hand drafting,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
about modifying the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
method and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up in inventing a software called ‘AutoCAD’ with which a machine component can dream and designed with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
short period of time.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Additionally
always searching for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
alternate will enhance the thinking ability of a person and it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
his product more efficient.

To conclude
, both thoughts have merits and demerits,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in my opinion the life of a human being should have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
downs and ups, then
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
he can become a successful person.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
world is running with such an advanced technology
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who wanted
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
revolution.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay some people think that newspaper are the best media to learn and get information from while others believe that the internet is a better source 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
313 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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