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Some people think that music plays an important role in society. Others think it is simply a form of entertainment. Discuss both sides and give your opinion. v.6

Some people think that music plays an important role in society. Others think it is simply a form of entertainment. v. 6
Many people think that music is only a form of entertainment and it is not playing an important role in our lives. Although the first reaction to some people is to concur to such claims. Nonetheless, there are several reasons to refuse this statement. In the following paragraphs, I want to discuss both sides and explain my choice. On the one hand, some people do not like music. They do not enjoy, when some song or melody are playing. For example, my history teacher told, that songs make him so nervous and he cannot concentrate on his work. He cannot listen not classic or modern songs. Some other example is my uncle. He loves instrumental melody, but not tolerate pop. Also, he says, that he can live without music and it is not a part of his life. On the other hand, people all over the world cannot imagine their days without it. Some even earn money with the help of singing. For instance, singers, dancers, musicians would not have a job if there was no music. Moreover, I can say, that singing always helps me to relax when I have a difficult day. Sometimes, when I am in a depression I write songs, play the piano. In my opinion, so useful for nervous system. Also, doctors give the advice to listen classical music, when a person has problems with the heart. In conclusion, it is not to say that other points of view are totally without merits. Nevertheless, the reasons I have presented could support my opinion. Music is not simply a form of entertainment, it is important thing in our life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a form of entertainment and it is not playing an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
the
first
reaction to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
to concur to such claims. Nonetheless, there are several reasons to refuse this statement. In the following paragraphs, I want to discuss both sides and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
my choice.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
. They do not enjoy, when
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
song or melody are playing.
For example
, my history teacher
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
, that songs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
him
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
nervous and
he cannot concentrate on his work. He cannot listen not classic or modern songs.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
other example is my uncle. He
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loves
instrumental melody,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not tolerate pop.
Also
, he says, that he can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and it is not a part of his life.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
all over the world cannot imagine their days without it.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
even earn money with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of singing.
For instance
, singers, dancers, musicians would not have a job if there was no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.
Moreover
, I can say, that singing always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
me to relax when I have a difficult day.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
, when I am in a depression I write songs, play the piano. In my opinion,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
useful for nervous system.
Also
, doctors give the advice to listen classical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
, when a person has problems with the heart.

In conclusion
, it is not to say that other points of view are
totally
without merits.
Nevertheless
, the reasons I have presented could support my opinion.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
is not
simply
a form of entertainment, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
thing in our life.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that music plays an important role in society. Others think it is simply a form of entertainment. v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
273 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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