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Some people think that music plays an important role in society. Others think it is simply a form of entertainment. Discuss both sides and give your opinion. v.1

Some people think that music plays an important role in society. Others think it is simply a form of entertainment. v. 1
Many people feel that music plays it is simply a form of entertainment however, others group thinks it is an important role in society. This essay will discuss both sides of the argument and give individual perspective thought out the following paragraph. Music is very normal for every type of entertainment it can help to represent the mood and, also make the audience more connected with the shows. The clearest example of this is when you watch any things about entertainment undeniable that music are very important people are using songs to make it more complete, so sometimes it might make people bored with the same pattern that every type of entertainment need music. On the other hand, music play is very important in society, it can help people to psychotherapy. People believe that music is used just for entertaining, however according to the research shows that people tend to used musics to heal them self when people feel blue or have any problem. For example, when I have any problem I always open my favourite songs, music is more than you think it can be your friends and understand you. Moreover, it can vent artist problems by they write the songs and present it to the audience In conclusion, I understand that song is a very normal thing for entertainment, however listen to music can make your felling better. I believed that music is important in all society, not just use for entertainment, also it can be the job I trust that people who love playing songs are one that can be under pressure.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
plays it is
simply
a form of entertainment
however
, others group
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
it is an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
role in society. This essay will discuss both sides of the argument and give individual perspective
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
out the following paragraph.

Music is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
normal for every type of entertainment it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to represent the mood and,
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
the audience more connected with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
. The clearest example of this is when you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
any things about entertainment undeniable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are using songs to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
it more complete,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
it might
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
bored with the same pattern that every type of entertainment need music.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
play is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
in society, it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to psychotherapy.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
for entertaining,
however
according to the research
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
musics
to heal them self when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel blue or have any problem.
For example
, when I have any problem I always open my
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
songs,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is more than you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it can be your friends and understand you.
Moreover
, it can vent artist problems by they write the songs and present it to the audience

In conclusion
, I understand that song is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
normal thing for entertainment,
however
listen to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
your felling better. I believed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
in all society, not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
for entertainment,
also
it can be the job I trust that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
playing songs are one that can be under pressure.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay Some people think that music plays an important role in society. Others think it is simply a form of entertainment. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
265 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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