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The crime rate among teenagers has increased dramatically in many countries. Discuss some possible reasons for this increase and suggest solutions. v.5

The crime rate among teenagers has increased dramatically in many countries. Discuss some possible reasons for this increase and suggest solutions. v. 5
In the modern era, crime is a major problem for all nations, but nowadays, we can see teenagers are involved in the illegal activities day by day. The reasons for this problem and solution are discussed in following paragraphs. To start with, some people think that the major reason for this issue is fighting games. For example, many university studies showed that adults who have played violent games are more aggressive than normal teenagers. Because they apply gaming action or stunts in their real activity. Furthermore, The music and movies in today's time, mostly focus on criminal stories and characters. To illustrate, Netflix and other many sites nowadays full with different types of web series, such as mostly related to criminal or robbery activities. These types of movies or songs influence youngsters on criminal activities. On the other hand, To stop these kinds of crimes. Parents should pay more attention to their child's daily actions. For instance, Parents should encourage their teenagers to play outdoor games. Which can help reduce children mental stress leave. Moreover, government can play his part to with the banned of crime movies and web series. To exemplify, the Government has to make a proper plane like, censor board for all films and another episode of web movies. Which are based on prisoners or murderer life. To sum up, we can say that wrong movies, games or other criminal stories have a bad impacts on the young generation. Which can be a big cause of rising crime rate in a teenager's future. For saving our youth, parents, teachers and government should take strong steps.
In the modern era,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
is a major problem for all nations,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
nowadays, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
are involved
in the illegal
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "activities'" or "activity's"?
activities
day by day. The reasons for this problem and solution
are discussed
in following paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the major reason for this issue is fighting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
university studies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that adults who have played violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are more aggressive than normal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
they apply gaming action or stunts in their real activity.

Furthermore
, The music and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's time,
mostly
focus on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
stories and characters. To illustrate, Netflix and other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
sites nowadays
The usual collocation for "full" is "of" not "with". Did you mean "full of"?
full with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of web series, such as
mostly
related to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
or robbery activities. These types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
or songs influence youngsters on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
activities.

On the other hand
, To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
these kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
. Parents should pay more attention to their child's daily actions.
For instance
, Parents should encourage their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
to play outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
“Which” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Which
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
children mental
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can play his part to with the banned of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
and web series. To exemplify, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a proper
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plane
like, censor board for all films and another episode of web
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
. Which
are based
on prisoners or murderer life.

To sum up, we can say that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
or other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
stories have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
impacts on the young generation.
“Which” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Which
can be a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
cause of rising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
's future. For saving our youth, parents, teachers and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should take strong steps.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay The crime rate among teenagers has increased dramatically in many countries. Discuss some possible reasons for this increase and suggest solutions. v. 5

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
268 words
8.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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