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Some people think music plays an important role in society. Others think it is it is simply a form of entertainment. Discuss both sides of this argument and give your own opinion. v.1

Some people think music plays an important role in society. Others think it is it is simply a form of entertainment. v. 1
Music is a unique language which is understood by everyone on this planet. It is the soul of the universe. There are different views as to the importance of music. Some say it is purely for entertainment. Others opine that it has many other functions. In the following paragraphs, I shall put forth both sides of the argument. There is no doubt that music is a good source of entertainment. Music helps to cheer everyone up. When people come home after a hectic day's work and they need some entertainment, they play music and it calms them and they feel relaxed. Music is also played in parties and ceremonies to entertain everyone. Young people dance to the beat of music and release their pent up energy. Music also links us to our culture and tradition. The folk songs sung by our great artists like Gurdas Mann are on everyone’s lips. His lyrics contain many things of our culture which are alive today because of these folk songs. Otherwise, under the influence of western culture people are forgetting their roots. Moreover, music is a lucrative profession these days. Our famous singers and musicians like Lata Mangeshkar and A. R. Rehman has earned millions from music and are famous in the whole world because of their musical talent. Another role that music plays is about connecting people. When people go to a music concert, they are with those people who share their musical tastes. Together, they feel the emotions that the music evokes. Music has always been a part of ceremonies because it has the ability to make people feel connected. To add to it, music improves concentration. Students can concentrate better if light music is played in the background because it kills the other disturbing noises. To sum up, music is not just for entertainment. It has many roles in society such as connecting people to each other and to their culture, making them rich and famous and also relaxing them. Music is all around us. Right from the first lullaby that the mother sings to the cradle, to the dirge of the funeral pyre, music accompanies everything of life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
is a unique language which
is understood
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
everyone
on this planet. It is the soul of the universe. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views as to the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
say it is
purely
for entertainment. Others opine that it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
functions. In the following paragraphs, I shall put forth both sides of the argument.

There is no doubt that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
source of entertainment.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to cheer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
everyone
up. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
home after a hectic day's
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
work and
they need
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
entertainment, they play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and it calms
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
them and
they feel relaxed.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
is
also
played in parties and ceremonies to entertain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
everyone
. Young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
dance to the beat of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and release their
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
pent up
energy.

Music
also
links us to our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and tradition. The folk songs sung by our great artists like
Possible spelling mistake found.
Gurdas
Mann are on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
everyone’s
lips. His lyrics contain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
which are alive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of these folk songs.
Otherwise
, under the influence of western
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are forgetting their roots.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is a lucrative profession these days. Our
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
singers and musicians like
Possible spelling mistake found.
Lata
Possible spelling mistake found.
Mangeshkar
and A. R.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Rehman
has earned millions from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
in the whole world
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their musical talent.

Another role that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
plays is about connecting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
go to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
concert, they are with those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who share their musical tastes. Together, they feel the emotions that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
evokes.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
has always been a part of ceremonies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it has the ability to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel connected. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
to it,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
concentration. Students can concentrate better if light
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is played
in the background
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it kills the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
disturbing noises.

To sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
for entertainment. It has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
roles in society such as connecting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
and to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
, making them rich and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
and
also
relaxing them.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
is all around us. Right from the
first
lullaby that the mother sings to the cradle, to the dirge of the funeral pyre,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
accompanies everything of life.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
37Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think music plays an important role in society. Others think it is it is simply a form of entertainment. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
359 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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