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Some people think that music plays an important role in society. Others think it is simply a form of entertainment. Discuss both sides and give your opinion. v.4

Some people think that music plays an important role in society. Others think it is simply a form of entertainment. v. 4
People have different views about whether music is only a way of entertainment or it also plays a crucial part in humanity. In this essay, both these ideas will be examined before my perspective, which supports the former side of the argument, is given. On the one hand, the main function of the piece is to provide us a relaxed and harmonious atmosphere. Firstly, rock is capable of changing our mood, which can alter our feelings. As a result, several use opera to reduce stress in study or at work, or a turn of phrase, singing can refresh your mind. Secondly, music is said to be in a limelight due to its ability to bring about energy. It is a fact that numerous people, find it more satisfied and enjoyable to work while listening to their favourite piece of tune, therefore, the productivity will properly be enhanced. On the other hand, I strongly believe that besides the entertaining, we should also emphasize the integral part of music other fields in life. Music has a paramount importance in health and medical area. Many doctors and psychologists use music as a therapy to treat their patients who suffer from mental problems such as depression or autism. Furthermore, there are numbers of evidences prove that some special types of music can improve our intelligence, which one is called the Mozart effects. Likewise, the melody makes an invaluable contribution to national culture and tradition. It is indisputable that though pop tune seems to dominate the entertainment market nowadays, it can never replace folk and traditional piece. Those types of soul not only tell stories and deliver life lessons, but they can also raise awareness to young generation. Moreover, some songs such as national anthem can evoke the compatriots and the national pride, so it cannot be considered as a form of relaxation only. In conclusion, despite its amusing function, we should consider the importance of singing in different areas in life. From my viewpoint, music, as long as a form of language, can also have more precious meanings. Band 7
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views about whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a way of entertainment or it
also
plays a crucial part in humanity. In this essay, both these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
will
be examined
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
my perspective, which supports the former side of the argument, is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
.

On the one hand, the main function of the piece is to provide us a relaxed and harmonious atmosphere.
Firstly
, rock is capable of changing our mood, which can alter our feelings.
As a result
, several
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
opera to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
in study or at work, or a turn of phrase, singing can refresh your mind.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is said
to be in a limelight due to its ability to bring about energy. It is a fact that numerous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, find it more satisfied and enjoyable to work while listening to their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
piece of tune,
therefore
, the productivity will
properly
be enhanced
.

On the other hand
, I
strongly
believe that
besides
the entertaining, we should
also
emphasize the integral part of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
other fields in life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
has a paramount importance in health and medical area.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
doctors and psychologists
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
as a therapy to treat their patients who suffer from mental problems such as depression or autism.
Furthermore
, there are numbers of evidences prove that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
special types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
our intelligence, which one
is called
the Mozart effects.

Likewise
, the melody
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
an invaluable contribution to national culture and tradition. It is indisputable that though pop tune seems to dominate the entertainment market nowadays, it can never replace folk and traditional piece. Those types of soul not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
stories and deliver life lessons,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they can
also
raise awareness to young generation.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
songs such as national anthem can evoke the compatriots and the national pride,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it cannot
be considered
as a form of relaxation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
.

In conclusion
, despite its amusing function, we should consider the importance of singing in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
areas in life. From my viewpoint,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
, as long as a form of language, can
also
have more precious meanings.

Band 7
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Some people think that music plays an important role in society. Others think it is simply a form of entertainment. v. 4

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
345 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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