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Some people think that music is a good way of bringing people of different culture and ages together? To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people think that music is a good way of bringing people of different culture and ages together? v. 1
It is often argued that music is a universal language and could deliver a message effectively to people regardless of their religion, culture, and age. According to some, music could be a tool to help build a peaceful relationship between different societies and cultures and also an effective approach to bridge gaps between young and elderly people. I firmly agree with this notion and will illustrate the innumerable benefits of Music in our lives in this essay. Firstly, it is no secret that music is the best method to spur inter-cultural harmony. These days, social media has allowed folk-singers and musicians from different societies to have their voices heard all over the world, which has not only provided them with a decent source of income but also generated an interest in their international audience and encouraged them to travel to their countries and experience their life style and traditions. Another reason why I believe music could tear down barriers between cultures is the use of words. To explain, it is widely known that different societies have traditions and practices which were evolved after an amalgamation of different cultures. For instance, URDU language was formed after the arab people came to the subcontinent and interacted with locals and that URDU uses different arabic and hindi language words simulantaneously. Therefore, URDU singers have drawn the attention of arab and indian people at the same time who frequently travel to PAKISTAN and visit their cultural sites. Secondly, when it comes to bolstering relations between people of different age groups, music can do wonders. It is no secret that music has a unique soothing effect on our brain and not only it helps to release stress and anxiety but could also make people forget their differences when they listen to it together. That is the reason why many organisations aimed at resolving INTER-GENERATION conflicts frequently make their patients listen to the music. This, in turn, helps them to embrace each other and forget their disputes. In conclusion, it is my firm belief that using music to tear down cultural and inter-generation barriers is an impactful measure
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is a universal language and could deliver a message
effectively
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
regardless of their religion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
, and age. According to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
could be a tool to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
build a peaceful relationship between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
societies and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
and
also
an effective approach to bridge gaps between young and elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. I
firmly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this notion and will illustrate the innumerable benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
in our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in this essay.

Firstly
, it is no secret that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is the best method to spur inter-cultural harmony. These days, social media has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
folk-singers and musicians from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
societies to have their voices heard all over the world, which has not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
provided them with a decent source of income
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
generated an interest in their international audience and encouraged them to travel to their countries and experience their life style and traditions. Another reason why I believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
could tear down barriers between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of words. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
, it is
widely
known that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
societies have traditions and practices which
were evolved
after an amalgamation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
.
For instance
, URDU language
was formed
after the
Possible spelling mistake found.
arab
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
came to the subcontinent and interacted with locals and that URDU
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
Possible spelling mistake found.
arabic
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
hindi
language words
Possible spelling mistake found.
simulantaneously
.
Therefore
, URDU singers have drawn the attention of
Possible spelling mistake found.
arab
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
indian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
at the same time who
frequently
travel to PAKISTAN and visit their cultural sites.

Secondly
, when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to bolstering relations between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
age groups,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
can do wonders. It is no secret that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
has a unique soothing effect on our brain and not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to release
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and anxiety
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
could
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
forget their differences when they listen to it together.
That is
the reason why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
aimed at resolving INTER-GENERATION conflicts
frequently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their patients listen to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
. This, in turn,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to embrace each other and forget their disputes.

In conclusion
, it is my firm belief that using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
to tear down cultural and inter-generation barriers is an impactful measure
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is to the mind more than light is to the eye.
William Gibson

IELTS essay Some people think that music is a good way of bringing people of different culture and ages together? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
351 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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