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Some people say music is a good way of bringing people of different culture and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree v.1

Some people say music is a good way of bringing people of different culture and ages together. v. 1
Music is a universal source of energy which connects people with each other. Therefore, it has been said by more than a few individuals that songs are the essential product to tune the people of different cultures and generations together in one single mental space. I completely agree with the statement as albums of different countries have a powerful impact on our lives. Firstly, with the advent of technology, the job of artist's in marketing their product has become easy. The role of an internet is huge in connecting various different melodies from all over the world in one application. The youth of our nation is inspired by the albums like 'QUEEN' and 'Cold Play'. Mankind of different countries have also been mesmerized by the art of our country, especially the work of 'Indian Ocean and legends like 'Kishor Kumar' has been revolutionary in building our nation to a musical country. Another point to consider is that in our nation, we have almost hundreds of languages and people of all the states have songs in their own native language. However, when it comes to a Bollywood, classical song or a retro song people of our country connect with each in a whisker. They dance and repeat the lines of their song as if it was their composition. Teens and senior citizens connect with each other when an old song is playing on a radio, and it is inspiring to see that word when generated in tune can make the surroundings around us completely different. In conclusion, music definitely plays a crucial role in bringing humankind of different tradition and ages together and hopefully, it will continue to do the same.
Music is a universal source of energy which connects
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with each other.
Therefore
, it has
been said
by more than a few individuals that songs are the essential product to tune the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
cultures and generations together in one single mental space. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement as albums of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have a powerful impact on our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

Firstly
, with the advent of technology, the job of artist's in marketing their product has become easy. The role of an internet is huge in connecting various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
melodies from all over the world in one application. The youth of our nation
is inspired
by the albums like 'QUEEN' and '
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Cold
Play'. Mankind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have
also
been mesmerized
by the art of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
,
especially
the work of 'Indian Ocean and legends like '
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kishor
Kumar' has been revolutionary in building our nation to a musical country.

Another point to consider is that in our nation, we have almost hundreds of languages and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of all the states have songs in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
native language.
However
, when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to a Bollywood, classical song or a retro song
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
connect with each in a whisker.

They dance and repeat the lines of their song as if it was their composition. Teens and senior citizens connect with each other when an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
song is playing on a radio, and it is inspiring to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that word when generated in tune can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
Consider using "the surrounding surroundings".
the surroundings around us
completely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
.

In conclusion
, music definitely plays a crucial role in bringing humankind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
tradition and ages together and
hopefully
, it will continue to do the same.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS essay Some people say music is a good way of bringing people of different culture and ages together. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
280 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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