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The government should allocate more fund to the educational sector than health sector. At what extend do you agree other disagree. v.1

The government should allocate more fund to the educational sector than health sector. At what extend do you agree other disagree. v. 1
It is thought that the government should pristine financing the academic sector over the health sector. While I applaud the authority for funding both sectors, I however, disagree that education should get more funding Firstly, the increase in population on a constantly base ultimately puts more pressure on the health administration, and to counter such pressures, government should spend more funding upgrading and expanding the health sector. On the other hand, education may not witness such rise in demand as population grows, owing to the fact that not everybody will be interested in going to school. For example, it was estimated by the world health organisation that visits to hospitals increases by 30% each year owing, population growth. Although, funding the education sector has its own merits, such as an increase in skilled personnel. This can help boost the economy because there will be abundant skilled applicants waiting to contribute to the development of the economy. But having a healthier environment because of the infrastructural health care available outweighs this positive. In conclusion, I totally disagree with the idea that education sector be more funded than the health sector. This is because health affects all, as humans are prone to fall sick at one time or another, but education is optional, as some people will not be interested. Therefore, it seems logical to allocate more funding on the sector that impacts everybody
It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should pristine financing the academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
over the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
. While I applaud the authority for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
funding
both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
, I
however
, disagree that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
funding


Firstly
, the increase in population on a
constantly
base
ultimately
puts more pressure on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
administration, and to counter such pressures,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should spend more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
funding
upgrading and expanding the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
.
On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
may not witness such rise in demand as population grows, owing to the fact that not everybody will
be interested
in going to school.
For example
, it
was estimated
by the world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
that visits to hospitals increases by 30% each year owing, population growth.

Although,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
funding
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
merits, such as an increase in skilled personnel. This can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
boost the economy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there will be abundant skilled applicants waiting to contribute to the development of the economy.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
having a healthier environment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the infrastructural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
care available outweighs this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
.

In conclusion
, I
totally
disagree with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
be more funded than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
affects all, as humans are prone to fall sick at one time or another,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is optional, as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will not
be interested
.
Therefore
, it seems logical to allocate more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
funding
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
that impacts everybody
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
It is astonishing how much enjoyment one can get out of a language that one understands imperfectly.
Basil Lanneau Gildersleeve

IELTS essay The government should allocate more fund to the educational sector than health sector. At what extend do you agree other disagree. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
231 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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