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Some people think that museums and art galleries should concentrate on the works of their own countries instead of the work of art from other parts of the world. To what extent​ do you agree or disagree? v.3

Some people think that museums and art galleries should concentrate on the works of their own countries instead of the work of art from other parts of the world. v. 3
It is true that some people believe that museums and art galleries should focus on local history and art rather than international works. While I accept that this may suit many people, I believe that we should not ignore the importance of other countries’ art and history. On the one hand, there are several advantages of exhibition rooms pay attention to local artworks. Firstly, a local museum should be a place which honors historical values of the land where it is located. For example, historical objects show residents the periods of glory and decline that their forefathers or predecessors experienced, which increase patriotism and national pride in the locals’ mind. Secondly, contribute to the preservation of traditional culture and customs. Traditional crafts, costumes, and ways of life, which are gradually obsolete in modern society, now can be saved behind the glass. On the other hand, museums and art galleries focus on foreign work of arts is beneficial in some ways. One advantage is that residents have a chance to be exposed to artworks and artifacts from other countries. In particular, people may broaden their new horizon of the world from historical and cultural aspects. Furthermore, international artworks enrich local people’s social life. For instance, watching masterpieces by worldwide artists like Van Gogh or Leonardo da Vinci will make people more enjoyable, relaxing and even inspired them to create more beautiful artworks. In conclusion, it is certainly true that the local histories and artworks are essential, but this is by no means they should be the sole focus on museums and art galleries. International work of arts are equally important and should be promoted as well.
It is true that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
galleries should focus on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
history and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
rather
than international works. While I accept that this may suit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, I believe that we should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
the importance of other countries’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and history.

On the one hand, there are several advantages of exhibition rooms pay attention to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artworks
.
Firstly
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
should be a place which honors historical values of the land where it
is located
.
For example
, historical objects
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
residents the periods of glory and decline that their forefathers or predecessors experienced, which increase patriotism and national pride in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
locals’
mind.
Secondly
, contribute to the preservation of traditional culture and customs. Traditional crafts, costumes, and ways of life, which are
gradually
obsolete in modern society,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
can
be saved
behind the glass.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
galleries focus on foreign work of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
is beneficial in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ways. One advantage is that residents have a chance to
be exposed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artworks
and artifacts from other countries.
In particular
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may broaden their new horizon of the world from historical and cultural aspects.
Furthermore
, international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artworks
enrich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
social life.
For instance
, watching masterpieces by worldwide artists like Van Gogh or Leonardo da Vinci will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
more enjoyable, relaxing and even inspired them to create more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
artworks.

In conclusion
, it is
certainly
true that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
histories and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artworks
are essential,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this is by no means they should be the sole focus on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
galleries. International work of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
are
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
and should
be promoted
as well
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay Some people think that museums and art galleries should concentrate on the works of their own countries instead of the work of art from other parts of the world. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
275 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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