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Museums and art galleries should concentrate on works that show history and culture of their own country rather than works of the other parts in the world. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Museums and art galleries should concentrate on works that show history and culture of their own country rather than works of the other parts in the world. v. 1
It is believed that indigenous works of art should be given priority to put on display in cultural institutions such as museums and art galleries rather than sharing space with art pieces originating from foreign cultures. While I think displaying local art us beneficial to residents, I agree that exhibiting exotic artworks is of paramount importance. One the one hand, I approve the view that presenting native artworks is necessary in terms of preserving traditional and cultural customs. Museums, whose aim is to instill the value of history and tradition to people, should conserve traditional crafts, costumes and paintings that a whole nation takes pride in. The Vietnam fine art museum could be taken as an example of museum that preserves artworks originated from the country. Many other museums appeal to many local tourists can be seen from all over the world, which goes to show how crucial museums are in saving the identity of a culture and imprinting patriotism and national pride in the heart of the locals. On the other hand, the significance of foreign artworks in local galleries should not be underestimated. These pieces of art offer people the opportunities to get access to masterpieces made by eminent artists such as Van Gogh or Picasso. It is definitely the local residents that derive such substantial benefits from this kind of display. Firstly, they can broaden their horizon about other cultures through the diversity of artworks on exhibit. What is more, their spiritual life would probably be enriched. All these reasons lead me to justify my belief that foreign artworks play a pivotal role in the life of local people. In conclusion, although exhibiting local art is essential, I believe this should not only be the main focus of museums and art exhibitions, since overseas artworks also deserve to be promoted as well.
It
is believed
that indigenous works of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
priority to put on display in cultural institutions such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
galleries
rather
than sharing space with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
pieces originating from foreign cultures. While I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
displaying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
us beneficial to residents, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that exhibiting exotic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artworks
is of paramount importance.

Did you mean "on"?
One
the one hand, I approve the view that presenting native
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artworks
is necessary in terms of preserving traditional and cultural customs.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museums
, whose aim is to instill the value of history and tradition to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, should conserve traditional crafts, costumes and paintings that a whole nation takes pride in. The Vietnam fine
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
could
be taken
as an example of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
that preserves
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artworks
originated from the country.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
appeal to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
tourists can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from all over the world, which goes to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
how crucial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
are in saving the identity of a culture and imprinting patriotism and national pride in the heart of the locals.

On the other hand
, the significance of foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artworks
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
galleries should not
be underestimated
. These pieces of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
offer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
the opportunities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
access to masterpieces made by eminent artists such as Van Gogh or Picasso. It is definitely the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
residents that derive such substantial benefits from this kind of display.
Firstly
, they can broaden their horizon about other cultures through the diversity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artworks
on exhibit.
What is more
, their spiritual life would
probably
be enriched
. All these reasons lead me to justify my belief that foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artworks
play a pivotal role in the life of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

In conclusion
, although exhibiting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is essential, I believe this should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be the main focus of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
exhibitions, since overseas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artworks
also
deserve to
be promoted
as well
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay Museums and art galleries should concentrate on works that show history and culture of their own country rather than works of the other parts in the world. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
305 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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