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As a result of electronic inventions such as the computer and television, people do less physical activity, and this is having a negative effect on their health. To what extent do you agree or disagree v.6

As a result of electronic inventions such as the computer and television, people do less physical activity, and this is having a negative effect on their health. v. 6
It is no-doubt true that the inventions of electronic devices have affected our everyday lives so much throughout history. While this might harm people’s physical health to some extent, I believe that the advantages do outweigh the disadvantages. The main drawback of electronic tools is that people become less physically active due to excessive time spent for such inventions. In the workplace, employees are expected to sit down and work almost without breaks in front of the computer’s screen over a long period of time. This repeated action on a daily basis can progressively lead to impaired physical mobility or dangerously increased chance of fatal diseases such as diabetes or stroke. A report in the UK in 2017, for example, pointed that millions of adults in their country were physically inactive, putting themselves at greater risk of heart and circulatory disease. This can also be a negative impact for the whole community in the long term, as we will possibly see an increasing number of patients in hospitals suffering from these poor health conditions. Despite the negatives mentioned above, it is my belief that these inventions are bringing us more merits than demerits. Firstly, they allow an individual to communicate and keep in touch with his family, relatives and friends, thus reinforce the relationship among them. Secondly, people can be informed about what is happening around the globe, especially those living in remote areas like islands or deserts, simply by turning on a television. For instance, if a man chose to live in an absolutely isolated countryside, his life would be in huge trouble and tedious as a consequence of the absence of such electronic devices. Furthermore, inventions like the computer offer a great opportunity for many young students to complete lots of online University courses with no need of attending face-to-face classes. In conclusion, although I recognize some potential dangers of electronically operated devices, it appears that these inventions are more beneficial to human being in terms of communication and long distance study.
It is no-doubt true that the inventions of electronic devices have
affected
our everyday
lives
so
much throughout history. While this might harm
people
’s physical health to
some
extent, I believe that the advantages do outweigh the disadvantages.

The main drawback of electronic tools is that
people
become less
physically
active due to excessive time spent for such inventions. In the workplace, employees are
expected
to sit down and work almost without breaks in front of the computer’s screen over a long period of time. This repeated action on a daily basis can
progressively
lead to impaired physical mobility or
dangerously
increased chance of fatal diseases such as diabetes or stroke. A report in the UK in 2017,
for example
, pointed that millions of adults in their country were
physically
inactive, putting themselves at greater
risk
of heart and circulatory disease. This can
also
be a
negative
impact for the whole community in the long term, as we will
possibly
see
an increasing number of patients in hospitals suffering from these poor health conditions.

Despite the negatives mentioned above, it is my belief that these inventions are bringing us more merits than demerits.
Firstly
, they
allow
an individual to communicate and
keep
in touch with his family, relatives and friends,
thus
reinforce the relationship among them.
Secondly
,
people
can
be informed
about what is happening around the globe,
especially
those living in remote areas like islands or deserts,
simply
by turning on a television.
For instance
, if a
man
chose to
live
in an
absolutely
isolated countryside, his life would be in huge trouble and tedious as a consequence of the absence of such electronic devices.
Furthermore
, inventions like the computer offer a great opportunity for
many
young students to complete lots of online University courses with no need of attending face-to-face classes.

In conclusion
, although I recognize
some
potential
dangers
of
electronically
operated devices, it appears that these inventions are more beneficial to human being in terms of communication and long distance study.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
A foreign language is like a frail, delicate muscle. If you do not use it, it weakens.
Jhumpa Lahiri

IELTS essay As a result of electronic inventions such as the computer and television, people do less physical activity, and this is having a negative effect on their health. v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
334 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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