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Some people think that museums and art galleries should concentrate on the works of their own countries instead of the work of art from other parts of the world. To what extent​ do you agree or disagree? v.2

Some people think that museums and art galleries should concentrate on the works of their own countries instead of the work of art from other parts of the world. v. 2
Museums and art galleries are a place to exhibit collections and achievements from the past, allowing us to take pride of the civilization we have built, the talent we possess and inspire us. Imposing regional boundaries on it, will not only subdue the value, but also make us naive about the understanding of the rest of the world. We have many regional talents and they all deserve to be showcased and presented among their own people first, but that does not mean that we should shift our focus completely on the works of our countries. A recent study had shown that museums and art galleries have had a great hand in achieving modernization, owing to the display of talents all over the world, people got to know what people have already achieved and even learn from them. We can definitely give preference to the talent we have in our country first by reserving some sections only for the local talents. Also keeping the collection global enables us to have a wide array of options and thus encouraging the people to come in every week and looking for the new things people have achieved all over the world, isn't that the sole reason we have museums and art galleries in the first place? . Plus more people coming in, means more support through tickets and tourism. For instance the Madam Tussats Wax Museum is so renowned for its worldwide collection of wax statues, people from each continent have it in their bucket list. In conclusion, I would like to say, we should nurture what we have but also make ourselves aware of what other have, so that we can learn from it and eventually grow together and build a world as a better place.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museums
and art galleries are a place to exhibit collections and achievements from the past, allowing us to take pride of the civilization we have built, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
we possess and inspire us. Imposing regional boundaries on it, will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
subdue the value,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
us naive about the understanding of the rest of the world.

We have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
regional
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
talents and
they all deserve to
be showcased
and presented among their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
first
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
that does not mean that we should shift our focus completely on the works of our countries. A recent study had shown that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and art galleries have had a great hand in achieving modernization, owing to the display of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talents
all over the world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
to know what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have already achieved and even learn from them. We can definitely give preference to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
we have in our country
first
by reserving
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sections
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for the local talents.

Also
keeping the collection global enables us to have a wide array of options and
thus
encouraging the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
in every week and looking for the new things
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have achieved all over the world, isn't that the sole reason we have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and art galleries in the
first
place?
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Plus more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
coming in, means more support through tickets and tourism.
For instance
the Madam
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tussats
Wax
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museum
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
renowned for its worldwide collection of wax statues,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from each continent have it in their bucket list.

In conclusion
, I would like to say, we should nurture what we have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
ourselves aware of what other have,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that we can learn from it and
eventually
grow together and build a world as a better place.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
With languages, you are at home anywhere.
Edward De Waal

IELTS essay Some people think that museums and art galleries should concentrate on the works of their own countries instead of the work of art from other parts of the world. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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