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some people think that museums and art galleries should concentrate on the works of their own countries instead of the works of art from other parts of the world. to what extent do you agree of disagree v.1

some people think that museums and art galleries should concentrate on the works of their own countries instead of the works of art from other parts of the world. 1
Museum and art galleries play a vital role in education and enjoyment by displaying artifacts with cultural or artistic value. However, much debate has taken place about whether they should only collect and exhibit domestic works or they should involve exotic artworks as well. From my point of view, it is essential to spread national culture and history, but an international exhibition can also bring enormous benefits. There is no doubt that museums and art galleries’ priority is to disseminate native civilization. Especially for the youngsters, they can learn about the glories history and see the rich cultural heritage by visiting these educational places. In which case can boost national pride of the young generation and become their motivation to study hard then make a contribution to their country in the future. However, as one of the most important functions of museum and art galleries is to expand citizens’ horizon, I totally agree that exhibition should not be limited in native collection. For one thing, a person who understands diverse cultures can be more inclusive about the world and easier to accept individual and racial variations. When tackling with various problems or interacting with different people, he can face them in multi-dimensional perspectives. Moreover, by increasing the understanding of international cultures can make the world more harmonious and integrated. For another thing, exotic display can attract wider range of visitors and meet the needs of residents who are interested in foreign cultures. They may find it difficult to travel abroad because of the high charge of air tickets. In conclusion, museums and galleries should show a mixture of artworks from their own nations as well as other regions.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museum
and art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
play a vital role in education and enjoyment by displaying artifacts with cultural or artistic value.
However
, much debate has taken place about whether they should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
collect and exhibit domestic
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
works or
they should involve exotic artworks
as well
. From my point of view, it is essential to spread national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and history,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
an international exhibition can
also
bring enormous benefits.

There is no doubt that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries’
priority is to disseminate native civilization.
Especially
for the youngsters, they can learn about the glories history and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the rich cultural heritage by visiting these educational places. In which case can boost national pride of the young generation and become their motivation to study
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
then
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a contribution to their country in the future.

However
, as one of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
functions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
and art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
is to expand citizens’ horizon, I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that exhibition should not
be limited
in native collection. For one thing, a person who understands diverse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
can be more inclusive about the world and easier to accept individual and racial variations. When tackling with various problems or interacting with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, he can face them in multi-dimensional perspectives.
Moreover
, by increasing the understanding of international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the world more harmonious and integrated. For another thing, exotic display can attract wider range of visitors and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the needs of residents who
are interested
in foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
. They may find it difficult to travel abroad
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the high charge of air tickets.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
a mixture of artworks from their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
nations
as well
as other regions.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay some people think that museums and art galleries should concentrate on the works of their own countries instead of the works of art from other parts of the world. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
278 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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