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some people think that museums and art galleries should concentrate on the works of their own countries instead of the works of art from other parts of the world. to what extent do you agree of disagree v.4

some people think that museums and art galleries should concentrate on the works of their own countries instead of the works of art from other parts of the world. 4
Within the span of a few thousand years, humans have gone from using tools made of rocks to living in the skyscrapers. It is often debated whether our accomplishments are more valuable than those of our ancestors. In my opinion, they certainly are. The truth is in the last fifty years alone, humans achieved a lot more than what our ancestors achieved in 5000 years. The ancient man lived in the caves and had little understanding of the world outside. They used rocks to hunt animals. It took them centuries to learn the practice of farming. However, once they had enough to eat and a safe place to live in humans started making tremendous progress. Even today, many things that they achieved remain a mystery to us. For example, we still do not know how the great pyramids of Egypt were built with the minimal tools available during that era. Furthermore, prehistoric humans managed to travel the globe without access to modern navigation systems such as GPS and state-of-the-art ships. To illustrate, early humans relied solely on the stars to guide them in their travel and they shaped tree trunks to produce vessels to carry them across the oceans. Of course, their achievements cannot be undervalued. Yet, we have ample reasons to believe that the modern man has achieved a lot more. Today, modern technology enables us to live a life better than what our forefathers lived. With the invention of the internet, we can now communicate with anyone, regardless of their geographical location. For example, Skype enables families to have a live video conference call that feels like everyone is in the same room. This was not possible ten or fifteen years ago. Moreover, in the past, humans rarely managed to live past 30 or 40 years, but today the average life expectancy in the developing and developed world is 70 years or above. People are now able to live much longer and healthier due to modern medicines and the knowledge of a better lifestyle. Modern technology enables us to enjoy many things that were not possible in the past. In conclusion, even though some achievements of our forefathers remain a mystery even today due to our lack of understanding of the early humans and their know-how, I strongly believe that today’s technology and our achievements are more valuable than what our ancestors achieved.
Within the span of a few thousand years,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
have gone from using tools made of rocks to living in the skyscrapers. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
debated whether our accomplishments are more valuable than those of our ancestors. In my opinion, they
certainly
are. The truth is in the last fifty years alone,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
achieved
a lot more than what our ancestors
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
achieved
in 5000 years.

The ancient
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
in the caves and had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
understanding of the world outside. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
rocks to hunt animals. It took them centuries to learn the practice of farming.
However
, once they had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to eat and a safe place to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
making tremendous progress. Even
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
today
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things that they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
achieved
remain a mystery to us.
For example
, we
still
do not know how the great pyramids of Egypt
were built
with the minimal tools available during that era.
Furthermore
, prehistoric
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
managed to travel the globe without access to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
navigation systems such as GPS and state-of-the-art ships. To illustrate, early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
relied
solely
on the stars to guide them in their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
travel and
they shaped tree trunks to produce vessels to carry them across the oceans.
Of course
, their achievements cannot
be undervalued
.

Yet
, we have ample reasons to believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
achieved
a lot more.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Today
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
technology enables us to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
a life better than what our forefathers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
. With the invention of the internet, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
communicate with anyone, regardless of their geographical location.
For example
, Skype enables families to have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
video conference call that feels like everyone is in the same room. This was not possible ten or fifteen years ago.
Moreover
, in the past,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
rarely managed to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
past 30 or 40 years,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
today
the average life expectancy in the developing and developed world is 70 years or above.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
much longer and healthier due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
medicines and the knowledge of a better lifestyle.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Modern
technology enables us to enjoy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things that were not possible in the past.

In conclusion
,
even though
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
achievements of our forefathers remain a mystery even
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
today
due to our lack of understanding of the early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
and their know-how, I
strongly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
today’s
technology and our achievements are more valuable than what our ancestors
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
achieved
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay some people think that museums and art galleries should concentrate on the works of their own countries instead of the works of art from other parts of the world. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
395 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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