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Some people feel that entertainers (e. g. film stars, pop musicians or sports stars) are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree? Which other types of jobs should be highly paid? v.9

Some people feel that entertainers (e. g. film stars, pop musicians or sports stars) are paid too much money. Which other types of jobs should be highly paid? v. 9
It is felt by a number of people that entertainers, such as film stars, pop musicians or sports stars are paid a lot of money. In my opinion, it is fair to reward the entertainers with high remuneration. Nowadays, the entertainment industry has got saturated and not everyone is getting successful in it. Out of so many entertainers, only few of them have their names on the top list. This is not because of the luck or magic, for instance, rather it is solely based on the hard work and effort dedicated by the stars. For example, Lionel Messi – Argentina’s football player- is paid an amount of 800 thousand Euros a week. To reach this level, he started working when he was 5 years old and practicing on a regular basis to be the best in his field. Nobody is a born entertainer. They undergo extensive trainings, and in some cases, they even repeat a move thousand times for a perfect one. To illustrate this, take an example of a musician, we hear the final performance, however, we don’t estimate the number of rehearsals and days took to make it. In addition, in some areas, the stars including athletes, sports player, and swimmers are presenting their countries on an international level. They make the country proud in front of others and for that, they deserve to get a handsome amount of money. Similarly, there are other jobs which should also be paid highly, for example scientist, biologist and researchers. They spend their time in the labs, performing experiments and simulations to create medicines for the diseases which are incurable. Recognition and fame are not given to these people, although they save people’s lives and even bring innovations in the society. In conclusion, it is impartial to award entertainers a huge amount of money in return of their services. However, jobs that include intense research resulting in innovations should also be equally paid for their life saving creation.
It
is felt
by a number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entertainers
, such as film
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stars
, pop musicians or sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stars
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money. In my opinion, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
to reward the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entertainers
with high remuneration.

Nowadays, the entertainment industry has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
saturated and not everyone is getting successful in it. Out of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entertainers
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
few of them have their names on the top list. This is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the luck or magic,
for instance
,
rather
it is
solely
based on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work and effort dedicated by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stars
.
For example
, Lionel Messi
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
Argentina’s football player- is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
an amount of 800 thousand Euros a week. To reach this level, he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
working when he was 5 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
and practicing on a regular basis to be the best in his field. Nobody is a born
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entertainer
. They undergo extensive trainings, and in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases, they even repeat a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
Use "a thousand" or use a number before 'thousand'.
thousand
times for a perfect one. To illustrate this, take an example of a musician, we hear the final performance,
however
, we don’t estimate the number of rehearsals and days took to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it.
In addition
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
areas, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stars
including athletes, sports player, and swimmers are presenting their countries on an international level. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the country proud in front of others and for that, they deserve to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a handsome amount of money.

Similarly
, there are other jobs which should
also
be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
highly
,
for example
scientist, biologist and researchers. They spend their time in the labs, performing experiments and simulations to create medicines for the diseases which are incurable. Recognition and fame are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, although they save
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and even bring innovations in the society.

In conclusion
, it is impartial to award
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entertainers
a huge amount of money in return of their services.
However
, jobs that include intense research resulting in innovations should
also
be
equally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
for their life saving creation.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people feel that entertainers (e. g. film stars, pop musicians or sports stars) are paid too much money. Which other types of jobs should be highly paid? v. 9

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
328 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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