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Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programs (for example working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children). To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.8

Certain groups of people lay emphasis on the matter that volunteer activities should be made essential part of secondary school. Activities such as Charity, teaching variety of skills to young children and helping the society. Such works may help the students to inculcate good ethics This essay discusses about the positive points of agreement to the statement. To commence with, this type of works are crucial for the overall development of a student weather in academic or in services. These would provide fruitful results in the future like growth in academic, better communication skills with society members. For example, assigning group works to students would enhance not only teamwork spirit, but also provide the way to develop healthy and cooperative relationships with co-mates. Secondly, working for a charity homes would help teenagers to develop compassionate behaviour towards the community. They would available to understand pains and worries of different group of people, moreover providing solutions. High school students could organise awareness campaigns for the issue like food diet, , , diabetes. This would not only help the society but also provide numerous knowledge about such topics. Lastly, services like training young children for sport activities, caring could be the best platform to learn activities how to treat them. Spreading and sharing various information which they have gained over the periods would help young young to learn to live much more efficiently and effectively. To conclude, educational policy advisors should make planning for these service programmaes mandatory for the holistic development of every student since these students are the future policy makers. Providing such tasks could help shape their mind for better results in future
Certain groups of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
lay emphasis on the matter that volunteer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
should
be made
essential part of secondary school.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Activities
such as Charity, teaching variety of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
children and helping the society. Such works may
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to inculcate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
ethics This essay
Did you mean simply “discusses the”? You do not need the word “about” here.
discusses about the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
points of agreement to the statement. To commence with, this type of works are crucial for the
overall
development of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
weather in academic or in services. These would provide fruitful results in the future like growth in academic, better communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
with society members.
For example
, assigning group works to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
would enhance not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
teamwork spirit,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
provide the way to develop healthy and cooperative relationships with co-mates.
Secondly
, working for a charity homes would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
to develop compassionate
Possible spelling mistake. ‘behaviour’ is British English.
behaviour
towards the community. They
It seems that a verb or adverb has been misspelled or is missing here.
would available
to understand pains and worries of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
group of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
moreover
providing solutions. High school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
could
Possible spelling mistake. ‘organise’ is British English.
organise
awareness campaigns for the issue like food diet,
Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma.
,
, diabetes. This would not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
the society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
provide numerous knowledge about such topics.
Lastly
, services like training
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
children for sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, caring could be the best platform to learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
how to treat them. Spreading and sharing various information which they have gained over the periods would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
to learn to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
much more
efficiently
and
effectively
.
To conclude
, educational policy advisors should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
planning for these service
Possible spelling mistake found.
programmaes
mandatory for the holistic development of every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
since these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are the future
This noun is normally spelled as one word.
policy makers
. Providing such tasks could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
shape their mind for better results in
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph.
future
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IELTS essay Some people believe that unpaid community service should be compulsory part of High School programs for example working for a charity improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
273 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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