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Some people feel that it is always wrong to keep animals in captivity for instance, in zoos. Other people say that there are benefits for the animals and for humans. Discuss both sides of this debate and give your personal view v.1

Some people feel that it is always wrong to keep animals in captivity for instance, in zoos. Other people say that there are benefits for the animals and for humans. 1
Keeping animals in zoos has been a trend in most countries. While some people think that this practice is wrong, others believe that it has its benefits to both the animals and for humans. I think that animals should be kept in zoos provided their habitat is environmental friendly. On the one hand, keeping animals in zoos has been viewed by most people as a barbaric act and so, should be stopped. These people believe that animals should be given the freedom to fend for themselves and live their lives the way nature made them. Furthermore, animals if taken captive, would not provide room for researchers to study animals and their way of life; as nature made them. On the other hand, some other persons believe that this act is beneficial to both animals and for humans. Some animals, if not kept in zoos poses to be a threat to human lives and other animal species there by imbibing fear and discomfort in the lives of individuals while keeping other weaker animal species at risk of extinction. For example, the crocodiles and lions that feed on humans and weaker animals. Again, animals kept in zoos do not have to go in search of food as their needs are being taken care if by the attendants. Finally, the zoo gives its owner financial stability as it seems to be a major source of tourism for most individuals. In summary, being that the advantages of keeping animals in zoos outweigh it's disadvantages, I am of the opinion that animals be kept in zoos provided their habitat is environmental friendly to them.
Keeping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
in zoos has been a trend in most countries. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that this practice is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
, others believe that it has its benefits to both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
and for humans.

I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
in zoos provided their habitat is environmental friendly.

On the one hand, keeping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
in zoos has
been viewed
by most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
as a barbaric act and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
. These
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the freedom to fend for themselves and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
the way nature made them.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
if taken captive, would not provide room for researchers to study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
and their way of life; as nature made them.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
persons believe that this act is beneficial to both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
and for humans.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
, if not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
in zoos poses to be a threat to human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
species there by imbibing fear and discomfort in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
of individuals while keeping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
weaker
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
species at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of extinction.
For example
, the crocodiles and lions that feed on humans and weaker
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
. Again,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
in zoos do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
go in search of food as their needs are
being taken
care if by the attendants.
Finally
, the zoo gives its owner financial stability as it seems to be a major source of tourism for most individuals.

In summary, being that the advantages of keeping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
in zoos outweigh
Did you mean "its" (possessive pronoun) instead of 'it's' (=it is)?
it's
disadvantages, I am of the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
in zoos provided their habitat is environmental friendly to them.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay Some people feel that it is always wrong to keep animals in captivity for instance, in zoos. Other people say that there are benefits for the animals and for humans. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
269 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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