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Some people say it is important to keep your home and workplace tidy, with everything organised in correct place. To what extent do you agree? v.1

Some people say it is important to keep your home and workplace tidy, with everything organised in correct place. v. 1
According to some people keeping everything in order at the correct place is essential either at home or workplace. I believe it is necessary to put things systematically at the right place. When people keep things at the right place in the defined order it saves time, as individuals do not have to scan bundle of information. Due to my habit of keeping things in place in my office, last week when my reporting head asked me about observations noted by our statutory auditors I could trace it within minutes. Moreover, some people believe orderly storing of information is the signs of a planned and organised professional. Hence, individuals say it is necessary to things systematically at home or workplace. This saves time and gives an image of an impressing personality. If individuals do not keep things at the defined space there is a possibility that things being misplaced or lost. To exemplify, my friend had kept his CA journal with the pile of newspapers in his house and accidentally his mother sold off the pile to the scrap dealer and he lost his critical article. Therefore, when items are not kept at the place designated for them it can lead to its loss. To conclude, although people believe its not necessary to keep everything at their defined space it can lead to its undue loss. However keeping things in the place helps in time saving and creates a good image. In my opinion, it is essential to keep thing at the right place irrespective of home or at work.
According to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
keeping everything in order at the correct
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
is
Did you mean "essentially"?
essential
either at home or workplace. I believe it is necessary to put things
systematically
at the right place.

When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
keep
things at the right
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
in the defined order it saves time, as individuals do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
scan bundle of information. Due to my habit of keeping things in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
in my office, last week when my reporting head asked me about observations noted by our statutory auditors I could trace it within minutes.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe orderly storing of information is the signs of a planned and
Possible spelling mistake. 'organised' is British English.
organised
professional.
Hence
, individuals say it is necessary to things
systematically
at home or workplace. This saves time and gives an image of an impressing personality.

If individuals do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
keep
things at the defined space there is a possibility that things
being misplaced
or lost. To exemplify, my friend had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
his CA journal with the pile of newspapers in his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
and
accidentally
his mother sold off the pile to the scrap
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
dealer and
he lost his critical article.
Therefore
, when items are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
designated for them it can lead to its loss.

To conclude
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe its not necessary to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
keep
everything at their defined space it can lead to its undue loss.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
keeping things in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in time saving and creates a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
image. In my opinion, it is essential to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
keep
thing at the right
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
irrespective of home or at work.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say it is important to keep your home and workplace tidy, with everything organised in correct place. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
260 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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