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Organized tour to remote areas and community is increasingly popular. Is it a positive or negative development for the local people and the environment? v.1

Organized tour to remote areas and community is increasingly popular. Is it a positive or negative development for the local people and the environment? v. 1
These days, a growing number of people have an interested in an organized tour in the far-flung distance and community. Although touring in distance places has certain benefits, some negative impacts on the environment and society as a whole, as far as I concern, is more the negative advancement than the positive achievement. To begin with, the financial and socio- cultural benefits are evident. In terms of financial sector, tourists from abroad buy food, clothes, and souvenirs at a high price from the local people. This may lead to economic growth for the native people and society, and eventually, people live standard lives. In socioeconomic culture, most of the tourists start residing with local people, as an ethnic people can provide vast knowledge of the outer civilized world through which indigenous people could enhance their information about the positive outlook of a civilized society. On the contrary, the hoards of tourists visit most of the places, but wherever they go, they leave litter anywhere of the visited areas. As a result, the place becomes dirty and clogged sewage systems which spread diseases such as malaria, cholera, diarrhoea, and so on. Another problem is that indigenous people have to provide comfort to their tourists, so that the local people, for example, in Bangladesh, cut down trees for making extra furniture, houses for visitors. Therefore, serious problems like climate change are acute. In conclusion, there are numerous people find an organized tour famous for visiting remote places. It has benefited economically and socially, in my opinion, the negative influence such as environmental pollution is severe to consider this attitude of tremendous negative development.
These days, a growing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have an interested in an organized tour in the far-flung distance and community. Although touring in distance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
has certain benefits,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
impacts on the environment and society as a whole, as far as I concern, is more the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
advancement than the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
achievement.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the financial and
Possible spelling mistake found.
socio
- cultural benefits are evident. In terms of financial sector,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
from abroad
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
food, clothes, and souvenirs at a high price from the local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. This may lead to economic growth for the native
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and society, and
eventually
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
standard
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. In socioeconomic culture, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
residing with local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, as an ethnic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can provide vast knowledge of the outer civilized world through which indigenous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could enhance their information about the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
outlook of a civilized society.

On the contrary
, the hoards of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
visit most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
wherever they go, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
litter anywhere of the visited areas.
As a result
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
becomes dirty and clogged sewage systems which spread diseases such as malaria, cholera,
Possible spelling mistake. 'diarrhoea' is British English.
diarrhoea
, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. Another problem is that indigenous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
provide comfort to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
for example
, in Bangladesh,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
down trees for making extra furniture,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
for visitors.
Therefore
, serious problems like climate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
are acute.

In conclusion
, there are numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
find an organized tour
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
for visiting remote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
. It has benefited
economically
and
socially
, in my opinion, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
influence such as environmental pollution is severe to consider this attitude of tremendous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
development.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Language comes first. It’s not that language grows out of consciousness, if you haven’t got language, you can’t be conscious.
Alan Moore

IELTS essay Organized tour to remote areas and community is increasingly popular. Is it a positive or negative development for the local people and the environment? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
271 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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