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Some people think that more money should be spent on protecting endangered species while others think that it is a waste of valuable money? What is your opinion? v.1

Some people think that more money should be spent on protecting endangered species while others think that it is a waste of valuable money? What is your opinion? v. 1
Many people are quite possessive for the life of those species that are in danger because of human being. Other people are having a thought that to save their life is not beneficial and there is no point to spend money on them. I completely disagree owing to numerous benefits of having animals, plants and flies and everyone should take necessary actions to protect them from getting disappear. Firstly, many plants and trees which are cut down gradually for constructing more residential and commercial building is curse for the life of every individual. Trees are the primary source of the oxygen and killing diseases. The main ingredient of every medicine is plants. If human being will not protect and invest money to save the green environment, thousands of more illnesses will occur which will make an individual life more vulnerable. Government should provide proper education and training to grow new plants and use the environment and natural resources in an accurate manner. Secondly, animals are pivotal to make the environment beautiful. Flies are producing eatable things. For example; bees are providing honey and flies are helping to make curd which is the best remedy to get glowing skin and recover from the throat pain. Bees are dying because of mobile radius and next generation will not be able to see the flies if it will not get stopped soon. Society should make strict rules to save the species which are getting reduced due to the human activities. Education will teach the importance of every species and the way to secure them efficiently. In conclusion, species are dying rapidly owing to the activities of living beings, therefore, government and society should take necessary step to save them, as their existence is making atmosphere more healthy and beautiful. If we will save them, ultimately we will increase our life period.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are quite possessive for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
of those species that are in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of human being. Other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are having a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
save
their
Did you mean "lives"?
life
is not beneficial and there is no point to spend money on them. I completely disagree owing to numerous benefits of having animals,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plants
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
flies
and everyone should take necessary actions to protect them from getting disappear.

Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plants
and trees which are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
down
gradually
for constructing more residential and commercial building is curse for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
of every individual. Trees are the primary source of the oxygen and killing diseases. The main ingredient of every medicine is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plants
. If human being will not protect and invest money to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
save
the green environment, thousands of more illnesses will occur which will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
an individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
more vulnerable.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
should provide proper education and training
Did you mean "growing"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'train' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to grow
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plants
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the environment and natural resources
Consider replacing "in an accurate manner" with the adverb for "accurate"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an accurate manner
.

Secondly
, animals are pivotal to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
the environment
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Flies
are producing eatable things.
For example
; bees are providing honey and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
flies
are helping to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
curd which is the best remedy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
glowing skin and recover from the throat pain. Bees are dying
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of mobile radius and
next
generation will not be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
flies
if it will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
. Society should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
strict
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
save
the species which are getting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
due to the human activities. Education will teach the importance of every species and the way to secure them
efficiently
.

In conclusion
, species are dying
rapidly
owing to the activities of living beings,
therefore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and society should take necessary step to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
save
them, as their existence is making atmosphere more healthy and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
. If we will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
save
them,
ultimately
we will increase our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
period.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that more money should be spent on protecting endangered species while others think that it is a waste of valuable money? What is your opinion? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
308 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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