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Advertising is all around us. It is an unavoidable part of everyone's life. Some people say that advertising is a positive part of our lives while others say it is negative. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Advertising is all around us. It is an unavoidable part of everyone's life. Some people say that advertising is a positive part of our lives while others say it is negative. v. 1
Everything is a two side and Advertising is not an exception. Today's is great possibility to see some kind of disgusting ads on television, also we have a chance to see something useful when advertise is showed on media. On one side, anything more consumed then it is naturally is not good. Something is with influences materials which cause people to buy clothes, cosmetics, cars, etc. . When T. V is turned up every 10 minutes someone will accept movie or emission and suggest that it is right moment or the best decision to buy a new car, shampoo, or new fashionable clothes. Best location to buy something is definitely when we have money, not when they call us. Also some commercial materials are not adopted children. When at 5 o'clock p. m. , suddenly, violence is shown on TV in negative effect on children's education and growing. Directors and writers of programs must take care of it, and suspend situation like that above mentioned. On the other side advertising makers in some situations make very interesting and funny ads which help people to relax after stressing and long working. In advertising sector has included many people. They take salaries and lots of people live with that. Also, government with the taxes received from ads earn money e, which will be involved in buildings, new parks, hospitals, Kinder Gardens, etc. Content of ADS can be something useful which saves the discount function, then it saves a lot of time because people already have got an information where to buy stuff which is discounted. They do not lose time to buy cheap products in several shops. In conclusion, advertising may be useful if it is dosed in normal quantity and when violence is is excluded from. Moreover, the government definitely must limit for advertising on T. V, or size when the internet advertising is in focus.
Everything is a two side and Advertising is not an exception.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
's is great possibility to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
kind of disgusting ads on television,
also
we have a chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
something
useful when advertise is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
on media.

On one side, anything more consumed then it is
naturally
is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Something
is with influences materials which cause
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
clothes, cosmetics, cars, etc.
Two consecutive dots
.
When T. V
is turned
up every 10 minutes someone will accept movie or emission and suggest that it is right moment or the best decision to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
a new car, shampoo, or new fashionable clothes.
A determiner is probably missing here: "the Best".
Best
location to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
something
is definitely when we have money, not when they call us.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
commercial materials are not adopted children.
“When” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
When
at
Redundant phrase. Consider using "5 o'clock" or "5 p.m".
5 o'clock p. m
.
Loose punctuation mark.
,
suddenly
, violence
is shown
on TV in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect on children's education and growing. Directors and writers of programs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
take care of it, and suspend situation like that above mentioned. On the other side advertising makers in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
situations
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
interesting and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
funny
ads which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to relax after stressing and long working. In advertising sector has included
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. They take salaries and lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with that.
Also
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
with the taxes received from ads earn money e, which will
be involved
in buildings, new parks, hospitals, Kinder Gardens, etc. Content of ADS can be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
something
useful which saves the discount function, then it saves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
already have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
an information where to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
stuff which
is discounted
. They do not lose time to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
products in several shops.

In conclusion
, advertising may be useful if it
is dosed
in normal quantity and when violence is
is excluded
from.
Moreover
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
definitely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
limit for advertising on T. V, or size when the internet advertising is in focus.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Advertising is all around us. It is an unavoidable part of everyone's life. Some people say that advertising is a positive part of our lives while others say it is negative. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
315 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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