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Some people think that more money should be spent on protecting endangered species while others think it is a waste of valuable money. What is your opinion? v.2

Some people think that more money should be spent on protecting endangered species while others think it is a waste of valuable money. What is your opinion? v. 2
It is considered by some that the species who are at risk should be protected by spending more money, whereas others believe that it should not be misused by spending on them. In my opinion, a considerable rise in the amount of funds is required to save such species, as they are not only helpful in maintaining a healthy food chain but also beneficial in medical research. One of the significant reasons to spend more money to save endangered species is to protect natural food chain. For example, honey bees are helpful in pollination process which results in growing a number of crops, such as cucumbers and many others, on which humans rely on. If honey bees go extinct, humans will suffer from having 80% less crops than we have today. This shows that spending funds on saving such species is really important to the humans for their own survival. Another reason to save such species by spending more money is to support medical research and discoveries. For instance, many animals and birds are used for research purposes to cure dangerous diseases affecting humans' health. This results in medical breakthroughs which is beneficial for mankind in longer run. If more funds are not spent on saving these species, it will, both, directly and indirectly affect humans, as there will be nothing to research on, hence no possible cures would be invented to save patients' lives. In conclusion, I believe that a substantial increase in the amount of money must be allocated to save these endangered species, since they are not only playing a considerable role in maintaining a healthy food chain for humans, but are also helpful for researchers to discover solutions for humans' medical problems. Despite the authorities playing their part by spending these funds to protect such species, it is recommended that people must also take into account of their activities which are detrimental to the survival of these vulnerable beings.
It
is considered
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that the species who are at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
should
be protected
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, whereas others believe that it should not
be misused
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
on them. In my opinion, a considerable rise in the amount of funds
is required
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
save
such species, as they are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
helpful in maintaining a healthy food chain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
beneficial in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
research.

One of the significant reasons to spend more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
save
endangered species is to protect natural food chain.
For example
, honey bees are helpful in pollination process which results in growing a number of crops, such as cucumbers and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
others, on which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
rely on. If honey bees go extinct,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
will suffer from having 80% less crops than we have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
funds on saving such species is
really
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
survival.

Another reason to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
save
such species by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is to support
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
research and discoveries.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
animals and birds are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for research purposes to cure
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
diseases affecting humans' health. This results in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
breakthroughs which is beneficial for mankind in longer run. If more funds are not spent on saving these species, it will, both,
directly
and
indirectly
affect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
, as there will be nothing to research on,
hence
no possible cures would
be invented
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
save
patients'
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

In conclusion
, I believe that a substantial increase in the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be allocated
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
save
these endangered species, since they are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
playing a considerable role in maintaining a healthy food chain for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
are
also
helpful for researchers to discover solutions for humans'
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
problems. Despite the authorities playing their part by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
these funds to protect such species, it
is recommended
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
also
take into account of their activities which are detrimental to the survival of these vulnerable beings.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that more money should be spent on protecting endangered species while others think it is a waste of valuable money. What is your opinion? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
323 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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