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Some people think that more money should be spent on protecting endangered species while others think it is a waste of valuable money v.1

Some people think that more money should be spent on protecting endangered species while others think it is a waste of valuable money v. 1
Polarisation in society develops a matter of debate over the topic, maximum portion of Government fund should be consumed with protecting the endangered species while others think it will ruin the prestigious money. In my opinion, the Government should spend money in saving threatened animals and should increase several steps to save them. First and Foremost, it is very vital to save the animals that are extracted as they play a keen role in ecosystem as it will not remain balanced. In addition to this, to maintain the balance of the ecosystem, animals should be preserved. Secondly, if animals keep on the extent than our green house belt will be in danger as people are greedy and they will start to move to the forest. Lastly, both flora and fauna play a crucial role to keep the temperature of earth in a normal condition. As plants take carbon dioxide and release oxygen. If this process is not maintained than Earth will be at risk as carbon dioxide levels will rise. On the other hand, the Government should start programs that will lighten the people to save the species that are at risk. People should coalesced and deter the products that are made from animal skin. Furthermore, strict actions should be taken against any illict and assailant activities. Moreover, the government should increase the mothballed areas for dying breed and special barricade should be imposed. To recapitulate, it is a necessity of our ecosystem to save the life of the vanishing breed as it is directly affecting our atmosphere and special attention is required for them. The money government is using in protecting them can be brought through by making them tourist places. Jungle Safari is the best illustration.
Possible spelling mistake. 'Polarisation' is British English.
Polarisation
in society develops a matter of debate over the topic, maximum portion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
fund should
be consumed
with protecting the endangered species while others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it will ruin the prestigious money. In my opinion, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
should spend money in saving threatened
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
and should increase several steps to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
save
them.

First
and Foremost, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
vital to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
save
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
that
are extracted
as they play a keen role in ecosystem as it will not remain balanced.
In addition
to this, to maintain the balance of the ecosystem,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
should
be preserved
.
Secondly
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
on the extent than our green
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
belt will be in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
greedy and
they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to the forest.
Lastly
, both flora and fauna play a crucial role to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the temperature of earth in a normal condition. As plants take carbon dioxide and release oxygen. If this process is not maintained than Earth will be at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
as carbon dioxide levels will rise.

On the other hand
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
programs that will lighten the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
save
the species that are at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
should
The verb 'should' requires the base form of the verb: "coalesce"
coalesced
and deter the products that
are made
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
skin.
Furthermore
, strict actions should
be taken
against any
Possible spelling mistake found.
illict
and assailant activities.
Moreover
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should increase the mothballed areas for dying breed and special barricade should
be imposed
.

To recapitulate, it is a necessity of our ecosystem to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
save
the life of the vanishing breed as it is
directly
affecting our atmosphere and special attention
is required
for them. The money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
is using in protecting them can
be brought
through by making them tourist places. Jungle Safari is the best illustration.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that more money should be spent on protecting endangered species while others think it is a waste of valuable money v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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