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Some people think that money is one of the most essential factors in promoting happiness. Do you think people can be happy without much money? What other factors contribute towards happiness? v.8

Some people think that money is one of the most essential factors in promoting happiness. Do you think people can be happy without much money? What other factors contribute towards happiness? v. 8
Money is considered an essential factor for people to feel happy about their life. But we don’t really need too much money to actually make us happy, because obviously there are other issues such as self-satisfaction and love from family or friends can also contribute to the happiness of an individual. It is defiantly true that we can’t live without a reasonable level of basic materials which are purchased by money. Just imagine the daily life of a person who needs to pay for everything, with no money he or she cannot even survive in modern society not to mention being happy. I think nobody would ask refugees in Syria whether they are happy or not because it is already difficult for them to survive, happiness is certainly luxury. But after people having met the basic survival needs, are they automatically happy? I am afraid not. Happiness was and has always been luxury for most people, it is not because the amount of money, but because the recipe of happiness is more than simply a lot of money. In fact, there are plenty of filthy rich people feel unhappy. And meanwhile thousands of ordinary people are enjoying their simple but priceless happy lives. In my view, as long as our basic needs being met, more money would not necessarily make us happier. Indeed, factors like self- satisfaction and being loved probably have greater marginal effect. For instance, workaholic who filled their life with work would feel happier when they finished an excellent project as they got huge self-satisfaction from it. A child who experienced parents divorcing at an early age might set finding someone to set a complete family as his life goal when he grows up, because being loved is the vital thing to his happiness. To summarize, I think people need a certain amount of money to survive before they can feel happy, but self-satisfaction and being loved are also closely linked to individual’s happiness.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Money
is considered
an essential factor for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
we don’t
really
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to actually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
us
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
obviously
there are other issues such as self-satisfaction and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
from family or friends can
also
contribute to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
of an individual.

It is
defiantly
true that we can’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
without a reasonable level of basic materials which are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Just
imagine the daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
of a person who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
to pay for everything, with no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
he or she cannot even survive in modern society not to mention being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
nobody would ask refugees in Syria whether they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
or not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is already difficult for them to survive,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
is
certainly
luxury.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
having met the basic survival
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
, are they
automatically
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
? I am afraid not.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Happiness
was and has always been luxury for most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, it is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the recipe of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
is more than
simply
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. In fact, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of filthy rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
unhappy. And meanwhile thousands of ordinary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are enjoying their simple
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
priceless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

In my view, as long as our basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
being met
, more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
would not
necessarily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
us happier.
Indeed
, factors like self- satisfaction and being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
probably
have greater marginal effect.
For instance
, workaholic who filled their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
with work would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
happier when they finished an excellent project as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
huge self-satisfaction from it. A child who experienced parents divorcing at an early age might set finding someone to set a complete family as his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
goal when he grows up,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
is the vital thing to his happiness.

To summarize
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
a certain amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to survive
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
self-satisfaction and being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
are
also
closely
linked to individual’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
39Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
As a hawk flieth not high with one wing, even so a man reacheth not to excellence with one tongue.
Roger Ascham

IELTS essay Some people think that money is one of the most essential factors in promoting happiness. Do you think people can be happy without much money? What other factors contribute towards happiness? v. 8

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
327 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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