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Some people think that money is one of the most essential factors in promoting happiness. Do you think people can be happy without much money? what other factors contribute towards happiness? v.2

Some people think that money is one of the most essential factors in promoting happiness. Do you think people can be happy without much money? what other factors contribute towards happiness? v. 2
Money plays a significant role in people's life. But money cannot buy all the happiness. In my opinion, even with less money, an individual can lead a joyful life, and there are various other aspects that lead to happiness. To begin with, some copious people live below poverty life. Their earnings are comparatively lesser than many, but still, they lead a happy life. Money is required for fulfilling the basic needs, but it does not mean that the higher you earn more happiness. For example, celebrities earn millions, but in the news, we hear the miserable family life they lead. Most of them have broken marriages, have more tension, stress and so on. In spite of earning more money, they find it hard to get happiness in their life. On the other hand, there are other aspects of life where happiness can be found. Family and friends are the most essential aspect that an individual should treasure in his life. Whenever a person is having any problem in his life, he can approach his friends and family for any support. A person can be joyful when he is out with his partner and children. Leading a proper family life can be the most cheerful moment in any person's life. For example, in a recent interview by a CEO of a top MNC said that he hardly spends time with his family and friends and have forgotten when he had a happy moment last. Despite having a huge bank balance, he regrets that he has not spent any happy moments with his family and friends. To conclude, money is needed to take care of one's basic necessity but losing family and friends to earn more money can prove a wrong decision in life.
Money
plays a significant role in
people
's
life
.
But
money
cannot
buy
all the
happiness
. In my opinion, even with less
money
, an individual can
lead
a joyful
life
, and there are various other aspects that
lead
to happiness.

To
begin
with,
some
copious
people
live
below poverty
life
. Their earnings are
comparatively
lesser than
many
,
but
still
, they
lead
a happy
life
.
Money
is required
for fulfilling the basic needs,
but
it does not mean that the higher you earn more
happiness
.
For example
, celebrities earn millions,
but
in the news, we hear the miserable
family
life
they
lead
. Most of them have broken marriages, have more tension,
stress
and
so
on.
In spite of
earning more
money
, they find it
hard
to
get
happiness
in their life.

On the other hand
, there are other aspects of
life
where
happiness
can
be found
.
Family
and
friends
are the most essential aspect that an individual should treasure in his
life
. Whenever a person is having any problem in his
life
, he can approach his
friends
and
family
for any support. A person can be joyful when he is out with his partner and children. Leading a proper
family
life
can be the most cheerful moment in any person's
life
.
For example
, in a recent interview by a CEO of a top
MNC
said that he hardly spends time with his
family
and
friends
and have forgotten when he had a happy moment last. Despite having a huge bank balance, he regrets that he has not spent any happy moments with his
family
and friends.

To conclude
,
money
is needed
to take care of one's basic necessity
but
losing
family
and
friends
to earn more
money
can prove a
wrong
decision in
life
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
37Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay Some people think that money is one of the most essential factors in promoting happiness. Do you think people can be happy without much money? what other factors contribute towards happiness? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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