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Some people think that money is one of the most essential factors in promoting happiness. Do you think people can be happy without much money? What other factors contibute towards happiness?

Some people think that money is one of the most essential factors in promoting happiness. Do you think people can be happy without much money? What other factors contribute towards happiness? v. 3
Nowadays most of the people thinks that money is the one and only factor which provides happiness, whereas also some people are there who thinks money is not the key part to gain happiness. As per my opinion not only money can buy happiness, There are lots of other factors like family and friends which are also valuable for happiness. I will discuss both the views on promoting happiness with money and without money. On the one side, money becomes more valuable nowadays, because everything is too expensive, Firstly jewellery items are the common part for everyone means almost majority of people needs that in their life for their own purpose or to gift that to someone. Secondly, people get happiness by exploring world by travelling countries, so for that people needs money. Like average indian people makes at least one foreign trip during vacation with their family. On the other hand, money can't buy family or friends in their life. Family and friends are the key part of person's life, without them they are nothing. There are lots of advantages of having family and friends by our side, As an example by sharing sorrow in the family anyone can get help from their family, as well as also family and friends help in someone's hard time. And that's how people gets happiness. To sum up, money is the essential part for promoting happiness, like fullfilling their dreams by the help of money. In contrast also people can be happy without much money.
Nowadays most of the
people
thinks
that
money
is the one and
only
factor which provides
happiness
, whereas
also
some
people
are there who
thinks
money
is not the key
part
to gain
happiness
. As per my opinion not
only
money
can
buy
happiness
, There are lots of other factors like
family
and
friends
which are
also
valuable for
happiness
. I will discuss both the views on promoting
happiness
with
money
and without money.

On the one side,
money
becomes more valuable nowadays,
because
everything is too expensive,
Firstly
jewellery
items are the common
part
for everyone means almost majority of
people
needs that in their life for their
own
purpose or to gift that to someone.
Secondly
,
people
get
happiness
by exploring world by travelling countries,
so
for that
people
needs
money
. Like average
indian
people
makes
at least one foreign trip during vacation with their family.

On the other hand
,
money
can't
buy
family
or
friends
in their life.
Family
and
friends
are the key
part
of person's life, without them they are nothing. There are lots of advantages of having
family
and
friends
by our side, As an example by sharing sorrow in the
family
anyone can
get
help
from their
family
,
as well
as
also
family
and
friends
help
in someone's
hard
time. And that's how
people
gets
happiness.

To sum up,
money
is the essential
part
for promoting
happiness
, like
fullfilling
their dreams by the
help
of
money
. In
contrast
also
people
can be happy without much
money
.
What do you think?
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IELTS essay Some people think that money is one of the most essential factors in promoting happiness. Do you think people can be happy without much money? What other factors contibute towards happiness?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
253 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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