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Nowadays, more and more people are choosing to socialize online rather than face to face. Is this a positive or negative development? v.3

Nowadays, more and more people are choosing to socialize online rather than face to face. Is this a positive or negative development? v. 3
Benefited from the success of information technology, people seem to prefer using social media to taking in person. This is definitely a positive development as far as I concerned. The reasons are following. Plenty of time has been saved via convenient internet access to social media. In the old days even before telephone is invented, it took at least days for people to send mails in exchange for information. Today, we are keeping in touch with our friends almost every seconds as long as we have internet access. The time wasted on waiting and arranging a meeting are obsolete and no longer needed. So, how we can refuse the obvious convenience social media offered? Indirect communication are perfect for people who are introvert or have social anxiety. There are a substantial proportion of us are not the outgoing type of person, which means talking through social media can help some of them. Even for those who have absolutely no problem with socializing, occasions when face to face communicating is awkward still exist. And social media is the exact cue for this. Take for example online dating, which has been extremely popular ever since, helps people to meet people worldwide and makes it not so award compared to real life dating. Some people may blame the isolation of people in modern society to social media, however, the point is that essentially technology offers us more alternative ways for communication, it is not compulsory. Face to face socializing is still the major means for interaction of people. Therefore, online communication is defiantly a positive development for mankind.
Benefited from the success of information technology,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
seem to prefer using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
to taking in person. This is definitely a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development as far as I concerned. The reasons are following.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Plenty
of time has
been saved
via convenient internet access to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
. In the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
days even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
telephone
is invented
, it took at least days for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
mails in exchange for information.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, we are keeping in touch with our friends almost every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "second"?
seconds
as long as we have internet access. The time wasted on waiting and arranging a meeting are obsolete and no longer needed.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, how we can refuse the obvious convenience
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
offered?

Indirect communication are perfect for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are introvert or have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
anxiety. There are a substantial proportion of us are not the outgoing type of person, which means talking through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them. Even for those who have
absolutely
no problem with socializing, occasions when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
face
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
face
communicating is awkward
still
exist. And
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
is the exact cue for this. Take
for example
online dating, which has been
extremely
popular ever since,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
worldwide and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
award compared to real life dating.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may blame the isolation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in modern society to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
,
however
, the point is that
essentially
technology offers us more alternative ways for communication, it is not compulsory.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Face
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
face
socializing is
still
the major means for interaction of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Therefore
, online communication is
defiantly
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development for mankind.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay Nowadays, more and more people are choosing to socialize online rather than face to face. Is this a positive or negative development? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
265 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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