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Some people think that money is one of the most essential factors in promoting happiness. Do you think people can be happy without much money? What other factors contribute towards happiness? v.4

Some people think that money is one of the most essential factors in promoting happiness. Do you think people can be happy without much money? What other factors contribute towards happiness? v. 4
A few people believe that money is one of the primary factors in spreading happiness. Money does play some role in keeping a person happy, but it is not a major factor as a person can still be unhappy after becoming rich. There are other factors which play a key role in happiness. Happiness is not directly linked to money as people can find it in even the smallest of the things of life like helping some stranger. Therefore, it has nothing to do with a person's ability to spend money. All money can do is add few extra moments of happiness to our lives by helping us fulfil our desires and that too only if we spend carefully as not living within our means can introduce financial problems and stress in our life. There are two main factors that contribute towards happiness in our life. One factor that can directly impact a person's ability to remain happy is health. If we are is suffering from a disease for a long time, then it directly impacts our mood and will not be able to enjoy the other good things in our life. Second factor that can us unhappy is when our family members don't respect us. To illustrate, according to a research paper that was released recently it was proven that not getting respect from own family members lowers a person's confidence due to which their mood also changes to sad. In conclusion, there are many factors like family and health that play an important role in keeping a person happy.
A few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is one of the primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
in spreading happiness.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Money
does play
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
role in keeping a person happy,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is not a major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factor
as a person can
still
be unhappy after becoming rich. There are other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
which play a key role in happiness.

Happiness is not
directly
linked to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can find it in even the smallest of the things of life like helping
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
stranger.
Therefore
, it has nothing to do with a person's ability to spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. All
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
can do is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
few extra moments of happiness to our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
by helping us fulfil our desires and that too
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
if we spend
carefully
as not living within our means can introduce financial problems and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
in our life.

There are two main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
that contribute towards happiness in our life. One
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factor
that can
directly
impact a person's ability to remain happy is health. If we are is suffering from a disease for a long time, then it
directly
impacts our mood and will not be able to enjoy the other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
things in our life. Second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factor
that can us unhappy is when our family members don't respect us. To illustrate, according to a research paper that
was released
recently it
was proven
that not getting respect from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
family members lowers a person's confidence due to which their mood
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
to sad.

In conclusion
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
like family and health that play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in keeping a person happy.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that money is one of the most essential factors in promoting happiness. Do you think people can be happy without much money? What other factors contribute towards happiness? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
261 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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