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Some people think that money is one of the most essential factors in promoting happiness. Do you think people can be happy without much money? What other factors contribute towards happiness? v.6

Some people think that money is one of the most essential factors in promoting happiness. Do you think people can be happy without much money? What other factors contribute towards happiness? v. 6
It is irrefutable that, the festival plays a significant role in our peoples lives. They are sharing our feelings with our friends and relative. While, some people believe that the festival has forgotten the meaning behind traditional and waste of time and money. I completely disagree with this statement. I would like to explicate it at length in the paragraphs to come. To begin with, the first and the foremost reason is that the festival is important for every person lives, and without festival life is meaningless, because religious and traditional festival has certainly become time for celebration. Although, people are purchase of new things, cloths. They are receiving and giving presents, decorating their homes, and enjoying traditional meals with their family. For example, In the United Kingdom, Christmas is a good example of a festival. Most masses look forward to Christmas as a holiday. They enjoy this festival and perhaps going to large events in local peoples; on the other hand, enjoyment is a people's goal. Thus, festival periods kind hearted this day only want to enjoy themselves. Moreover, one more convincing point is that cannot be ignored, some people think that the festival have forgotten the meaning behind traditional or religious festival. Futhermore People the underlying meaning of such festival has been forgotten. Such as, in late December in United kingdom, children sing Christmas song which has a religious content, and they may even perform nativity plays telling the story of Jesus birth. Families also play a role in passing knowledge of a religious festival. A Sign on to the next generation. Not only the festival is beneficial for every person's but their life also life. In the conclusion, after the overall analysis, it can be concluded that apparently festival is a good information about their culture and nation. However, they are helpful to do for the next generation.
It is irrefutable that, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festival
plays a significant role in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peoples
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. They are sharing our feelings with our friends and relative. While,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festival
has forgotten the meaning behind
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
and waste of time and money. I completely disagree with this statement. I would like to explicate it at length in the paragraphs to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the
first
and the foremost reason is that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festival
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for every person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, and without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festival
life is meaningless,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
religious
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festival
has
certainly
become time for celebration. Although,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
of new things, cloths. They are receiving and giving presents, decorating their homes, and enjoying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
meals with their family.
For example
, In the United Kingdom, Christmas is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festival
. Most masses look forward to Christmas as a holiday. They enjoy this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festival
and perhaps going to large
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
in local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peoples
;
on the other hand
, enjoyment is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's goal.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festival
periods
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
kind hearted
this day
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
want to enjoy themselves.

Moreover
, one more convincing point is that cannot be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festival
have forgotten the meaning behind
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
religious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festival
.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Futhermore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
the underlying meaning of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festival
has
been forgotten
. Such as, in late December in
The proper noun "United Kingdom" needs to be capitalized.
United kingdom
, children sing Christmas song which has a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
religious
content, and they may even perform nativity
The usual collocation for an activity ending in "-ing" is "go" not "do" or "play." Revise: "goes telling".
plays telling
the story of Jesus birth. Families
also
play a role in passing knowledge of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
religious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festival
. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sign
on to the
next
generation. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festival
is beneficial for every person's
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
their life
also
life.

In the conclusion, after the
overall
analysis, it can
be concluded
that
apparently
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festival
is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
information about their culture and nation.
However
, they are helpful to do for the
next
generation.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that money is one of the most essential factors in promoting happiness. Do you think people can be happy without much money? What other factors contribute towards happiness? v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
311 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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