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Some people think that money is one of the most essential factors in promoting happiness. Do you think people can be happy without much money? What other factors contribute towards happiness? v.5

Some people think that money is one of the most essential factors in promoting happiness. Do you think people can be happy without much money? What other factors contribute towards happiness? v. 5
This is certain, that nowadays without wealth, it is very tough to obtain something even sometime joy, but it is totally agreeable that everyone can be happy with less capital by having financial literacy to manage that enough cash. Happiness is essential in life, although wage. Important thing this essay wants to mention is about money management, which is the main factors towards peace of mind. These days people are forced into a rat race due to their desire such as; sweet home, car and many more, and to buy these liabilities they go for financial aid like buying home on obligation, which lead to stress and people forget to smile. The main motive of this essay to show people how to find happiness without much money by using their asset column precisely by buying things with happiness. For instance- the book "rich dad and poor dad" represent and explain everything thoroughly about how to consume money accurately for a living. Moreover, enjoyment with task could also lead to pleasure because we put efforts for lively and if people do not like their trial, they feel exhausted. Furthermore, family is also important for peacefulness because we can live with money, but if a person does not have family or friends, they never get a chance to spend their gained money for joy. In conclusion, money could buy everything, but happiness can only acquire by having right way of living with money in this modern world. Make money work for us, not to perform for money and in that way we will be happy.
This is certain, that nowadays without wealth, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
tough to obtain something even sometime joy,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is
totally
agreeable that everyone can be happy with less capital by having financial literacy to manage that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
cash.

Happiness is essential in life, although wage.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Important
thing this essay wants to mention is about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
management, which is the main factors towards peace of mind. These days
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are forced
into a rat race due to their desire such as; sweet home, car and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more, and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
these liabilities they go for financial aid like buying home on obligation, which lead to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
forget to smile.

The main motive of this essay to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
how to find happiness without much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
by using their asset column
precisely
by buying things with happiness.
For instance
- the book
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
rich dad and poor dad
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
represent and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
everything
thoroughly
about how to consume
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
accurately
for a living.
Moreover
, enjoyment with task could
also
lead to pleasure
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we put efforts for lively and if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not like their trial, they feel exhausted.
Furthermore
, family is
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for peacefulness
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
if a person does not have family or friends, they never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a chance to spend their gained
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for joy.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
everything,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
happiness can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
acquire by having right way of living with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in this modern world.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
work for us, not to perform for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and in that way we will be happy.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
A foreign language is like a frail, delicate muscle. If you do not use it, it weakens.
Jhumpa Lahiri

IELTS essay Some people think that money is one of the most essential factors in promoting happiness. Do you think people can be happy without much money? What other factors contribute towards happiness? v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
263 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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