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Some people think that modern technology is making people more sociable, while others think it is making them less sociable. Discuss both views and give your opinion v.8

Some people think that modern technology is making people more sociable, while others think it is making them less sociable. 8
While, certain individuals believe that advancement in telecommunication has made people more friendly, others opine that technology makes people unfriendly. This essay will discuss both views and further, agrees that with the usage of the latest machinery people are becoming more communicative. It is clear that the development of computers and the world wide web has made people easily accessible. This is to say, individuals can easily communicate with their relatives and loved ones living in any part of the Earth through the adoption of internet and video chatting. As a result, modern technology has made the Earth a smaller place by connecting all the countries and their people. To elucidate, a recent study conducted by The Times showed that more than 80 percent of people connect with their worldwide spread relatives through the usage of the latest technology. However, some disagree with the aforementioned opinion as they feel that the latest telecommunications has made people less sociable as there is no physical touch. In other words, earlier people used to meet people physically in order to share their feelings and emotions, however, with the development of hi-techs people spends most of their time on the world wide web and mobile phones doing online surfing, thus they do not spend time in communicating with others. To exemplify, a recent study conducted by The New York Times showed that more than 60 percent of people spend most of their time on their computers and the internet rather than spending with their relatives. To conclude, In my opinion, I vehemently agree that the use of advanced technology and world wide web has helped people to interact with each other despite their location and time.
While, certain individuals believe that advancement in telecommunication has made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
more friendly, others opine that technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
unfriendly
. This essay will discuss both views and
further
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
that with the usage of the latest machinery
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are becoming more communicative.

It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the development of computers and the
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
world wide web
has made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
easily
accessible. This is to say, individuals can
easily
communicate with their relatives and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
Did you mean "one's"?
ones
living in any part of the Earth through the adoption of internet and video chatting.
As a result
, modern technology has made the Earth a smaller place by connecting all the countries and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. To elucidate, a recent study conducted by The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Times
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that more than 80 percent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
connect with their worldwide spread relatives through the usage of the latest technology.

However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disagree with the aforementioned opinion as they feel that the latest telecommunications has made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
less sociable as there is no physical touch. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, earlier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
physically
in order to share their feelings and emotions,
however
, with the development of hi-techs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
spends
most of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on the
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
world wide web
and mobile phones doing online surfing,
thus
they do not spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in communicating with others. To exemplify, a recent study conducted by The New York
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Times
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that more than 60 percent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend most of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on their computers and the internet
rather
than spending with their relatives.

To conclude
, In my opinion, I
vehemently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of advanced technology and
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
world wide web
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to interact with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
despite their location and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
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Amy Chua

IELTS essay Some people think that modern technology is making people more sociable, while others think it is making them less sociable. 8

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
282 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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