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Some people argue that technological inventions, such as mobile phones, are making people socially less interactive. Do you agree or disagree? v.3

Some people argue that technological inventions, such as mobile phones, are making people socially less interactive. v. 3
In this era of technology, the emergence of modern inventions, especially smartphones, has long been causing heated public controversy. People argue that these devices are driving people away from each other and preventing them from communicating properly, and I partly agree with this statement. To begin with, the development of technology has negatively affected the interaction between people by luring them into using the Internet all the time. In other words, due to the advent of the social media revolution, people spend a considerable amount of time surfing social media and playing games without paying much attention to their family and friends. As a result, the time spent on talking and sharing decreases, thus weakening the bond among family members and friends. For instance, these days, it is common to walk in a coffee shop and see people, despite sitting at the same table, not talking to each other and having their eyes on their phones instead. Besides, the adverse effects of smartphones also possess unfavorable impacts on other aspects of communication. To specify, the lack of face-to-face contact can lead to inadequate social manners such as tact, politeness, and listening skills, especially for young generations. Also, electronic chatting does not allow for non-verbal communication, meaning that factors such as body language and facial expression cannot be used to emphasise a message, thus often lead to misinterpretation. However, people argue that technological innovations allow people to interact despite all geographical distances. That is to say, with new applications, people can see and speak to their family despite the far distance between them. Also, people, especially international students and workers, can share their lives and feelings on social media as a way to maintain contact with their family and friends. Still, it is obvious that not so many people know how to balance the time spent on the virtual and the real world, thus often overusing the Internet and neglecting their beloved ones. In the light of all evidence, although technologies such as mobile phones possess multiple advantages on communication, their adverse effects seem to outweigh their benefits. In other words, instead of connecting people, they broaden the gap between people and gives rise to a profound lack of social manners such as politeness, listening skills, gestures, and body language.
In this era of technology, the emergence of modern inventions,
especially
smartphones, has long been causing heated public controversy.
People
argue that these devices are driving
people
away from each
other
and preventing them from communicating
properly
, and I partly
agree
with this statement.

To
begin
with, the development of technology has
negatively
affected
the interaction between
people
by luring them into using the Internet all the
time
. In
other
words, due to the advent of the
social
media revolution,
people
spend a considerable amount of
time
surfing
social
media and playing games without paying much attention to their
family
and friends.
As a result
, the
time
spent on talking and sharing decreases,
thus
weakening the bond among
family
members and friends.
For instance
, these days, it is common to walk in a coffee shop and
see
people
, despite sitting at the same table, not talking to each
other
and having their eyes on their phones
instead
.

Besides
, the adverse effects of smartphones
also
possess unfavorable impacts on
other
aspects of communication. To specify, the lack of face-to-face contact can lead to inadequate
social
manners such as tact, politeness, and listening
skills
,
especially
for young generations.
Also
, electronic chatting does not
allow
for non-verbal communication, meaning that factors such as body language and facial expression cannot be
used
to
emphasise
a message,
thus
often
lead to misinterpretation.

However
,
people
argue that technological innovations
allow
people
to interact despite all geographical distances.
That is
to say, with new applications,
people
can
see
and speak to their
family
despite the far distance between them.
Also
,
people
,
especially
international students and workers, can share their
lives
and feelings on
social
media as a way to maintain contact with their
family
and friends.
Still
, it is obvious that not
so
many
people
know how to balance the
time
spent on the virtual and the real world,
thus
often
overusing the Internet and neglecting their beloved ones.

In the light of all evidence, although technologies such as mobile phones possess multiple advantages on communication, their adverse effects seem to outweigh their benefits. In
other
words,
instead
of connecting
people
, they broaden the gap between
people
and gives rise to a profound lack of
social
manners such as politeness, listening
skills
, gestures, and body language.
26Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
To have another language is to possess a second soul.
Charlemagne

IELTS essay Some people argue that technological inventions, such as mobile phones, are making people socially less interactive. v. 3

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
379 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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