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Some people claim that public museums and art galleries will not be needed because people can see historical objects and works of art by using a computer. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people claim that public museums and art galleries will not be needed because people can see historical objects and works of art by using a computer. v. 1
These days, with the widespread use of the Internet, humans can gain unlimited access to global information, even historical items and artworks displayed in museums or exhibitions. Consequently, many people question the importance of memorial houses and art galleries, and they believe that these will become inessential one day. Personally, despite the advantages of the Internet, museums and galleries will never be terminated. On the one hand, it is undeniable that people can derive numerous benefits from the Internet. Firstly, students around the world can learn about historical objects and admire the aesthetic value of artworks of different countries with a laptop or a smartphone connected to the Internet. For example, learners in Vietnam can conveniently enjoy Picasso’s masterpieces on the Internet without travelling to museums in Spain. Secondly, onscreen viewing of historical objects is beneficial for people from a deprived background. It enables them to self-study about the history and art of other countries. On the other hand, museums and art exhibitions play an indispensable role in human life. Firstly, visiting memorial houses and art galleries provide people with a sense of reality. Visitors can watch the objects on their own eyes or even interact with artists in person, which is impossible when they view through their computers. Furthermore, museums and galleries preserve relics and important artifacts of a country, which can represent its culture. Consequently, the disappearance of the museums will have a negative impact on upholding tradition. Finally, art galleries and museums can attract a host of tourists, hence these places will contribute to economic prosperity. In conclusion, although the Internet brings some benefits, the role of museums and art exhibitions are irreplaceable. My view is that people can combine computer-based information and experience to enhance their knowledge.
These days, with the widespread
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the Internet, humans can gain unlimited access to global information, even historical items and artworks displayed in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
or exhibitions.
Consequently
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
question the importance of memorial
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
, and they believe that these will become inessential one day.
Personally
, despite the advantages of the Internet,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
will never
be terminated
.

On the one hand, it is undeniable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can derive numerous benefits from the Internet.
Firstly
, students around the world can learn about historical objects and admire the aesthetic value of artworks of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries with a laptop or a smartphone connected to the Internet.
For example
, learners in Vietnam can
conveniently
enjoy Picasso’s masterpieces on the Internet without travelling to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
in Spain.
Secondly
, onscreen viewing of historical objects is beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from a deprived background. It enables them to self-study about the history and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
of other countries.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
exhibitions play an indispensable role in human life.
Firstly
, visiting memorial
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with a sense of reality. Visitors can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
the objects on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
eyes or even interact with artists in person, which is impossible when they view through their computers.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
preserve relics and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
artifacts of a country, which can represent its culture.
Consequently
, the disappearance of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
will have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on upholding tradition.
Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
can attract a host of tourists,
hence
these places will contribute to economic prosperity.

In conclusion
, although the Internet brings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits, the role of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
exhibitions are irreplaceable. My view is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can combine computer-based information and experience to enhance their knowledge.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people claim that public museums and art galleries will not be needed because people can see historical objects and works of art by using a computer. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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