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Some people think that modern technology is making people more sociable, while others think it is making them less sociable. Discuss both views and give your opinion v.4

Some people think that modern technology is making people more sociable, while others think it is making them less sociable. 4
It is argued by many that modern technology plays and integral role in people's lives and make more connected with each other. While, others believe that technology distracted people from society. I firmly believed, new tool revolutionized our life in terms of communication with others. On the one hand, highly use of different application restricted the life of individuals to a single room. People badly indulged themselves on the computer, the internet and video games. As a result, they do not favor to meet with people and even denied spending some quality time with parents. For instance, in Pakistan, the average time of using various types of technologies is over 12 hours. Thus, they ruin the relationships by excessive use of technology. On the other hand, technology bears more benefits regarding effective communication Amid unknown people. The new tools such as Facebook, Skype, and others make people more socialize by frequent interactions. For example, in my country, people use Skype to interact with relatives, who lived abroad. In my opinion, modern technological tools encourage individuals to build relationships. By using social media, they make friends from around the globe. To illustrate, Indian adults use Facebook for making new fellows, and sometimes they make relationships more worthful by marrying to them. By way of conclusion, although technology has some negative aspects on people life. However, I believe that it helps individuals to linger on and sustain their relations by interacting more and more. It is highly recommend to use technology wisely and improve relations
It
is argued
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
that modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
plays and integral role in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
more connected with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
, others believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
distracted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from society. I
firmly
believed, new tool revolutionized our life in terms of communication with others.

On the one hand,
highly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
application restricted the life of individuals to a single room.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
badly
indulged themselves on the computer, the internet and video games.
As a result
, they do not favor to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and even denied spending
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
quality time with parents.
For instance
, in Pakistan, the average time of using various types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
is over 12 hours.
Thus
, they ruin the relationships by excessive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of technology.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
bears more benefits regarding effective communication Amid unknown
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. The new tools such as Facebook, Skype,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
more socialize by frequent interactions.
For example
, in my country,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
Skype to interact with relatives, who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
abroad.

In my opinion, modern technological tools encourage individuals to build relationships. By using social media, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
friends from around the globe. To illustrate, Indian adults
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
Facebook for making new fellows, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
relationships more
Possible spelling mistake found.
worthful
by marrying to them.

By way of conclusion, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
life.
However
, I believe that it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
individuals to linger on and sustain their relations by interacting more and more. It is
highly
Consider using a past participle here: "recommended".
recommend
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
wisely
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
relations
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
The conquest of learning is achieved through the knowledge of languages.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay Some people think that modern technology is making people more sociable, while others think it is making them less sociable. 4

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
252 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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