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Some people think that modern technology is making people more sociable, while others think it is making them less sociable. Discuss both views and give your opinion v.5

Some people think that modern technology is making people more sociable, while others think it is making them less sociable. 5
Technology has made rapid progress in the past decade. It has changed the way people communicate with each other. It has made lives easier yet taken out the aspect of physical presence which was essential to communicate with another person in the past. Technology has opened up new avenues in the way we communicate with another person situated anywhere on the globe. It has enabled us to connect and share information with people irrespective of their location. This advancement in technology makes it easier for us to find and befriend like-minded people. Each new method that is developed also gives us the option to choose the level of intimacy and frequency of our communication with another person. In my opinion, this growth can make people feel socially active and more willing to engage in conversation with new people. On the other hand, technology takes away the physical aspect of communication. This limitation can make people feel an absence of the human touch and can take away from the clarity of a message. Communicating through messaging or phone can only go as far as getting the words across. We human beings are social animals and need to connect with other beings in their physical form in order to feel a deep connection. One always has the option to ignore social interactions online, but it's harder to do that in real life. I feel that technology doesn’t allow to build deep connections because of the above limitations. To summarize, technology can be used to build new connections at one’s own comfort and pace, but it's limitations does not allow for deep lifelong relationships to blossom.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technology
has made rapid progress in the past decade. It has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
the way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
communicate with each other. It has made
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
easier
yet
taken out the aspect of physical presence which was essential to communicate with another person in the past.

Technology has opened up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
avenues in the way we communicate with another person situated anywhere on the globe. It has enabled us to connect and share information with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
irrespective of their location. This advancement in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it easier for us to find and befriend like-minded
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
method that
is developed
also
gives us the option to choose the level of intimacy and frequency of our communication with another person. In my opinion, this growth can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
socially
active and more willing to engage in conversation with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
takes away the physical aspect of communication. This limitation can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
an absence of the human touch and can take away from the clarity of a message. Communicating through messaging or phone can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
go as far as getting the words across.

We human beings are social animals and need to connect with other beings in their physical form in order to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
a deep connection. One always has the option to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
social interactions online,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it's harder to do that in real life. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
doesn’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
Did you mean "building"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'allow' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to build
deep connections
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the above limitations.

To summarize
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to build
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
connections at one’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
comfort and pace,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
Did you mean "its" (the possessive pronoun)?
it's
limitations does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
for deep lifelong relationships to blossom.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Language is to the mind more than light is to the eye.
William Gibson

IELTS essay Some people think that modern technology is making people more sociable, while others think it is making them less sociable. 5

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
273 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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