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It is wiser to use your money to gain meaningful experiences than to use it to acquire possessions. To what extent do you agree or disagree v.1

It is wiser to use your money to gain meaningful experiences than to use it to acquire possessions. v. 1
Many people spend most part of their income on partying at clubs or night-outs, such things are turned out to be waste by the end, additionally it does not create a meaningful occasion. Although, the best way to utilize one’s money, is to create purposeful memories in life. However, sometimes it is also cruitial to save money in order to buy something important in the future course of our life. In this essay, I am going to discuss my views on both ideas and share my opinion. Firstly, through personal finance a person should take advantage of buying some time for themselves which can be useful as well as enjoyable. Such spent time also makes their lives less stressfull. To elaborate, one can choose in every few months for a trip out of the town to take part in some activities such as meditation and yogas. Additionally, a person can even take a break from work and go for some adventures. This will result in many memorable experiences that they can share in future with friends and family. On the other hand, it is also important that some part of the income should go over purchasing something that could be meaningful for individual’s future goals. For instance, people can save money over a period of time through which they can buy things that were on their wish list such as a car, motorbike or even a house. Thus, people will feel sense of achievement through buying an important thing that they always wished. To conclude, I would say, in order to create a mindful experience in life one should keep investing in something memorable. However, sometimes to achieve certain goals, it is important to save some money for the particular thing.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
spend most part of their income on partying at clubs or night-outs, such things
are turned
out to be waste by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
,
additionally
it does not create a meaningful occasion. Although, the best way to utilize one’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, is to create purposeful memories in life.
However
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
it is
also
Possible spelling mistake found.
cruitial
to save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
something
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
in the future course of our life. In this essay, I am going to discuss my views on both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and share my opinion.

Firstly
, through personal finance a person should take advantage of buying
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time for themselves which can be useful
as well
as enjoyable. Such spent time
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
less
Possible spelling mistake found.
stressfull
. To elaborate, one can choose in every few months for a trip out of the town to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
activities such as meditation and
Possible spelling mistake found.
yogas
.
Additionally
, a person can even take a break from work and go for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
adventures. This will result in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
memorable experiences that they can share in future with friends and family.

On the other hand
, it is
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
part of the income should go over purchasing something that could be meaningful for individual’s future goals.
For instance
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
over a period of time through which they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
things that were on their wish list such as a car, motorbike or even a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
.
Thus
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will feel sense of achievement through buying an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
thing that they always wished.

To conclude
, I would say, in order to create a mindful experience in life one should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
investing in something memorable.
However
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
to achieve certain goals, it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
to save
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for the particular thing.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Language comes first. It’s not that language grows out of consciousness, if you haven’t got language, you can’t be conscious.
Alan Moore

IELTS essay It is wiser to use your money to gain meaningful experiences than to use it to acquire possessions. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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