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Some people believe that governments should pay for healthcare and education, but others disagree with this opinion. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.1

Some people believe that governments should pay for healthcare and education, but others disagree with this opinion. v. 1
There is always a fierce debate when it comes to whether the government should responsible for the expenditure of healthcare and education. Some people firmly believe that it is the government’s duty, whereas others argue with opposite the opinion. In this essay, Advocates of this statement based on both the personal and broader social level. To begin with, on an individual level, everyone has the right to healthcare and education. In other words, the access to health and education is not the privilege belonging to the wealthy. Then from the social viewpoint, it is no denying that it would be a considerable amount of money for individual to pay the healthcare and education, which would make the heavier burden especially for the poor. Namely, if it could be funded by the governments, it certainly could promote the equality between the rich and poor. On the other hand, some dispute that this policy should be under the thoughtful consideration as there are several drawbacks. To begin with, there is not an unlimited budget for the governments, especially there still are so many practical problems crying for a solution such as environmental contamination and economic development. As a result, free healthcare and education definitely do require long term commitments and tremendous running expenses, and further cut down the budget on other issues. Moreover, the most direct benefited group of this policy is the individuals, therefore people should also require to pay for it. In conclusion, I believe that it is the responsibility of the authorities to cover a part of the expense of healthcare and education, whereas people should also shoulder the responsibility for it.
There is always a fierce debate when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to whether the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should responsible for the expenditure of healthcare and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
firmly
believe that it is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government’s
duty, whereas others argue with opposite the opinion.

In this essay,

Advocates of this statement based on both the personal and broader social level. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, on an individual level, everyone has the right to healthcare and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, the access to health and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is not the privilege belonging to the wealthy. Then from the social viewpoint, it is no denying that it would be a considerable amount of money for individual to pay the healthcare and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, which would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the heavier burden
especially
for the poor.
Namely
, if it could
be funded
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
, it
certainly
could promote the equality between the rich and poor.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
dispute that this policy should be under the thoughtful consideration as there are several drawbacks. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there is not an unlimited budget for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
,
especially
there
still
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
practical problems crying for a solution such as environmental contamination and economic development.
As a result
, free healthcare and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
definitely do require long term commitments and tremendous running expenses, and
further
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
down the budget on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
issues.
Moreover
, the most direct benefited group of this policy is the individuals,
therefore
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should
also
require
Did you mean "paying"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'require' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to pay
for it.

In conclusion
, I believe that it is the responsibility of the authorities to cover a part of the expense of healthcare and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, whereas
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should
also
shoulder the responsibility for it.
19Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Some people believe that governments should pay for healthcare and education, but others disagree with this opinion. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
273 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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