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Some people think modern technology is making people more sociable, while others think it is making them less sociable. Discuss both views and give your opinion v.1

Some people think modern technology is making people more sociable, while others think it is making them less sociable. 1
In recent years, several people have been regarded with contemporary features and devices that had been shortened the way as they can communicate with each other. In my opinion, social skills can be improved through a range of technologies and I will demonstrate how researches and specialists consider these questions, In addition, I will give reasons to believe that the innovation had been more beneficial than most people have thought. Important studies have shown that some skills as kindness and gratitude might be improved if they would keep this behaviour as a routine on a daily basis. On the other hand, psychologists had spoken at universities about the harmful consequences after hearing those studies last year. As much as we use social media and brand new devices, to integrate our analogical lives in digital life, it has been known that be online and available every time should not be positive in our true life. As far as someone trying hard to answer all questions, posts and pukes in, for example, Facebook, the same person has a personal life that cannot be integrated into the online responses. Trivial actions like taking the trash out, cleaning its own home, fueling the car or withdrawn money are not in the list of digital activities. At least, not yet. However, they all can provide an encounter with a neighbour, even unknown in their lives. And, those are indeed sociable moments, because eventually, you can meet acquaintances. At the same time, extraordinary skills could be acquired for persons whose had digital habits since the beginning of their growth. The same social network, Facebook, as many others such as Linkedin and Instagram, had invented ways to followers and friends have hearty relationships even through computers and mobile phones. Sometimes, we faced problems in our lives that cannot be discussed in person. Whether because these issues are sensitives or full of sorrow, either has been better if one of them can support this matter online. Like a person that you have never heard and even though is your friend in some social networks put a thumb up in your post. This means everything when you are sad and alone. And that person had made a huge difference in your life at that moment. The reality is that some abstract feelings can surely be demonstrated and received by the people through technologies, be them devices or social networking.
In recent years, several
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have
been regarded
with contemporary features and devices that had
been shortened
the way as they can communicate with each other. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
can
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
be


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
improved
through a range of technologies and I will demonstrate how researches and specialists consider these questions,
In addition
, I will give reasons to believe that the innovation had been more beneficial than most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Important
studies have shown that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
as kindness and gratitude might be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
if they would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
this
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
as a routine on a daily basis.
On the other hand
, psychologists had spoken at universities about the harmful
The usual preposition to use after "consequences" is not "after". Did you mean "consequences of", "consequences for", or "consequences on"?
consequences after
hearing those studies last year.

As much as we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media and
'brand new' seems to be a compound adjective in front of a noun. Use a hyphen: "brand-new".
brand new
devices, to integrate our analogical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in digital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, it has
been known
that be online and available every time should not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
in our true
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. As far as someone trying
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to answer all questions, posts and pukes in,
for example
, Facebook, the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
has a personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
that cannot
be integrated
into the online responses. Trivial actions like taking the trash out, cleaning its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
home, fueling the car or withdrawn money are not in the list of digital activities. At least, not
yet
.
However
, they all can provide an encounter with a
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbour' is British English.
neighbour
, even unknown in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. And, those are
indeed
sociable moments,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
eventually
, you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
acquaintances.

At the same time, extraordinary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
could
be acquired
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
persons
whose had digital habits since the beginning of their growth. The same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
network, Facebook, as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
others such as
Possible spelling mistake found.
Linkedin
and Instagram, had invented ways to followers and friends have hearty relationships even through computers and mobile phones.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
, we faced problems in our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
that cannot
be discussed
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
. Whether
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these issues are sensitives or full of sorrow, either has been better if one of them can support this matter online. Like a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
that you have never heard and
even though
is your friend in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networks put a thumb up in your post. This means everything when you are sad and alone. And that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
had made a huge difference in your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
at that moment.

The reality is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
abstract feelings can
surely
be demonstrated
and received by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
through technologies, be them devices or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Do you know what a foreign accent is? It’s a sign of bravery.
Amy Chua

IELTS essay Some people think modern technology is making people more sociable, while others think it is making them less sociable. 1

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
400 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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